Degrassi Chronicles: Life of Adam
by PlayWithFate
Summary: "I'm a guy, so of course girls are pretty much always on my mind.  But after the whole incident with Bianca, I can't say I've been incredibly hopeful about success in the finding love department—It just didn't seem possible."  Please R & R! :D
1. CHAPTER ONE: Meet Adam Torres

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters! They are the creation of the wonderful creators/writers of Degrassi!

_A/N: Please R & R! :)_

CHAPTER ONE: MEET ADAM

I'm a guy, so of course girls are pretty much always on my mind. But after the whole incident with Bianca, I can't say I've been incredibly hopeful about success in the finding love department—It just didn't seem possible.

"Adam?" my eyes sprang open and I sat up upright just in time to see Clare gesturing towards our media immersion teacher, Ms. Oh, who had just entered the room.

"Falling asleep in class again, Adam?" said Eli with an impish grin. I rubbed my eyes and grinned at my best friend.

"Just haven't been sleeping enough, I guess," I muttered. I promptly ignored Clare studying me with a worried look that made me uncomfortable.

"That's the second time this week—Maybe you should see a doctor," she told me, her bright blues eyes still searching my face.

"Nah," I brushed it off casually, "I should just stop staying up all night reading comic books". I forced a laugh for effect. No way I was going to see a doctor. Besides, I didn't need to—I knew the reason I wasn't sleeping was because of the nightmares.

Clare looked as though she was going to say something else but before she could open her mouth, Ms. Oh called the class to order. Clare gave me another swift look and before turned her attention to the front of the class. _Thank goodness for Ms. Oh_, I thought.

I got an A on my Lunix assignment revision and the class passed without much consequence. As soon as the bell rung, Clare said a quick goodbye to Eli and me before hurried off to her yearbook staff meeting.

"The Dot?" I asked Eli, swinging the strap of my bag over my shoulder.

"Can't," said Eli, looking genuinely disappointed. "Clare and I have plans and Morty's broken down again so I'm stuck waiting around here until her yearbook meeting is over" then he added "…You could come with us, if you want".

"No, thanks," I said, disguising my frown by pretending to cough in my sleeve. This was probably the worst thing about being best friends with a couple. They always had plans that didn't include you. I know Eli was just being nice by trying to invite me but he clearly wanted to be alone with Clare and I didn't want to intrude on their plans. I mean, Clare and Eli aren't exactly "official" yet but they are so obviously into each other that, it's hard not to feel like a third wheel when I hang out with them. "See ya later," I called over my shoulder as I made my way out of the classroom.

Lost in thought, I let my feet carry me to my locker—I should've known better than to walk around the school alone at the end of the day.

"Oh Graaaaaaacie," came a voice, speaking a menacing tone just as soon as I'd opened my locker.

"Hey '_man_', we're talking to you" came a second voice. He snorted the word "man" in a sarcastic tone, as if it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

I froze, knowing exactly who the speakers were, without even having to look; there was no mistaking those stupid tones anywhere. I took a moment, shutting my eyes, knowing my locker door was blocking my face and they couldn't see a thing.

My brain was racing. You see, ever since my "big transgender secret" was revealed to all of Degrassi, everyone seems to have an opinion about me. Some people are cool and know it's not really their business to care and others are a little more critical—Fitz and Owen were definitely the most vocal (and violent) of my critics. I'm not scared of those jerks or anything but I've sort of made it a point not to walk around alone too often.

"It's rude not to answer, 'dude'," came Fitz' voice again, accompanied by a loud bang on my locker door which flew shut. I jerked my head away just in time, the doors missing my nose by inches and slamming shut, the metal quivering in the frame.

…Okay, maybe I was a little bit scared.


	2. CHAPTER TWO: Natalie

Disclaimer: Do not own! :)

_A/N: Please please please R & R! I live for 'em! xx, Holly_

**CHAPTER TWO: NATALIE**

"Hey Owen, you know what's the difference between my friend, _Adam_, and real guy," sneered Fitz, shoving me hard towards his friend. Owen guffawed and caught me by the shoulders.

"What is that, Fitz?" he asked in a loud, forced voice which made him sound like a horrible actor reading his lines. He shoved me back towards Fitz who wasted no time.

"Everything," he said, this time he pushed me headfirst into my locker. My body sickening noise as it collided with my locker. I flipped over quickly and glanced down both sides of the hall for somebody, anybody coming or going. My heart sank when I realized that it was empty except for Fitz, Owen and me—I wasn't stupid enough to try to take both of them on in a fist fight but I had to do something.

"Oh that's cute, guys. Real clever," I said through gritted teeth, massaging my jaw. "How long did it take you to rehearse that?"

"Hey, shut up, tranny," said Owen, pointing a big, dumb finger at me.

"Tranny, really?" I spat, glaring at them. "Very original." I could be wrong but I thought I heard Fitz actually growl. He was staring daggers at me, anyway but I didn't care, I was staring them right back.

To be honest, I know probably should have stop there but I thought I was on a role. "No…Really," I continued, putting my hands earnest and screwing my face up in the most angelic expression I could muster, "I've never, ever heard that one before".

"That's it," snapped Fitz, and both of them lunged at me. Owen grabbed my shoulders while Fitz wrestled with my feet. Of course, they overpowered me and, hoisting me up, swung me up into the air once and let me fly.

Somewhere between the time I was in the air and the time I hit the lockers on the other side of the hall, I felt my beanie soar off my head but I was hardly thinking about that. Before I knew it, I was in a crumpled heap on the floor, fighting back the flow of tears that naturally came when you're whole body was throbbing with pain.

Then suddenly, as if through a foggy cloud, I heard another voice called "Hey!"

"Oh crap," said Fitz.

"If we get another strike for messing with the girl-dude, we'll get expelled," hissed Owen. "My mom says if I get expelled, she'll ship me off to military school".

"Run!" snapped Fitz and, though my neck was too sore to look up, I heard them take off. As their footsteps faded, another set grew louder.

"Oh my god," someone gasped. It was a girl's voice. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I grumbled. My eyes still shut with tears, I hoisted myself up to a sitting position leaning against the lockers—A little more dignified than the fetal position, if you ask me. There was silence for a bit, while I pulled myself together.

Even though my eyes were closed, I knew she was there—I could feel her. I was grateful that she didn't say anything. When the pain faded and was finally replaced by the numb-shocked feeling and the tears were gone, I managed to look up into the face of the girl who had saved me, for all intents and purposes.

Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves now…I'm not going to say something cheesy like 'there were angels singing' and a 'godly glow around her beautiful face'…That stuff gives me the runs.

But, I will say this; she was pretty—Really pretty even. She had a delicate face and pale, smooth looking skin. Her dark, red hair fell perfectly tousled around her shoulders curling at the ends and she looks down at me though thick, black lashes that framed brilliant, bright green eyes that rivaled Clare's.

"Are you okay to stand up?" she asked, holding out her arm for support. "I could go get someone…" she trailed off.

"Yeah, no. I'm fine," I muttered, taking her hand and accepting her help up. I straightened up slowly; reintroducing each of my vertebrae to the idea of being upright then proceeded to brush off some dust from my jeans.

"Thanks, I guess," I said, smiling hesitantly with one side of my mouth. I reached up and ruffled my hair absent-mindedly, which is when I realized I was missing my hat.

I looked around and by the time I spotted it, the red-headed girl was already doubled over, picking it up.

"Look for this?" she asked, returning my one-sided smile from before and holding out my beanie for me to take.

"Yeah," I said, chuckling nervously. This was sort of awkward. I saw her glanced nervously down at her black converse, so I could tell I wasn't the only one who thought so.

I was delighted to see that she was a bit shorter than me. I know that sounds stupid but, unlike "normal" guys, being…cough…in a girl's body…cough, it was hard for me to find girls that are shorter than me because, technically speaking, I'm an average height for girl but a little on the shorter side. Anyway, I really shouldn't be thinking about this stuff.

I snapped back to the present and saw the red-headed girl giving me a puzzled look.

"So?" she asked, as though she was waiting for me to say something.

"What?" I asked, defensively.

"I said 'do you need a ride home?' and you sort of started staring off into space," she said.

"Oh," I said, laughing nervously. "No, thanks". I made the mistake of looking directly into her eyes which, as weird as it sounds, made me forget myself a little bit.

"Hello?" she said, snapping her fingers in front of my face.

"Wha—What?" Great, now she thought I was a creep.

"You keep zoning out," she said, looking a little worried. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I insisted. "My head just hurts a bit" I reached to touch the back of my head and winced a little bit as I came in contact with a pretty sizeable bump.

"Maybe you have a concussion?" she suggested.

I shook my head, no and tried to hide the fact that it made me feel a little dizzy.

"How many finger am I holding up?" she asked, not convinced. I laughed.

"Three".

"Good. What year is this?"

"2010".

"What's you're name?"

"Adam", I smiled, I was starting to get amused.

"It's nice to meet you Adam, I'm Natalie", she said, returning my smile.


	3. CHAPTER THREE: 2 Neanderthals and

Disclaimer: Do not own!

_A/N: Please review, otherwise I won't know if you like it and will be less inclined to update_

**CHAPTER THREE: TWO NEANDERTHALS AND A CAVEMAN**

"Are you sure, you're okay?" Natalie took her eyes off the road to glance worriedly at me. She was behind the wheel of her old, but she assured me, reliable, navy blue car. She was driving me home, despite the fact that I'd told her a hundred times that my house wasn't far from Degrassi and that I could walk.

And to be honest, I was really appreciative right about now as my left side, the side that hit the lockers, was starting to become painful again as the numb feeling began to fade.

"Just a little sore," I answered massaging my left arm.

"Those guys are jerks," said Natalie angrily. I noticed a tiny scar close to where her right eyebrow started, visible only when she furrowed her brow in angry or worry. I couldn't help but smile a little to myself. Oh brother…

"Yeah, they are," I agreed, because I couldn't think of anything witty or charming to say. After all, Drew was the one that was good with girls.

"What did you ever do to them?" My heart leapt nervously when he heard the question, despite the fact that he was pretty sure it was rhetorical_. I was born a girl_, I thought bitterly.

"They're just couple of Neanderthals," I said, instead. "So I haven't seen you around before?" I added, desperate to change the subject.

"Yeah, that's because I'm new," she told me. "Today was my first day".

"Cool," I said. _She doesn't know_, I thought, a little too excited. _She doesn't know my secret because she's new._ I cleared my throat, trying to keep my cool. "My house is the one with the gray van," I told her, as we pulled into my street.

Natalie pulled the car into the driveway next to the van.

"Do you need help inside?" she asked.

"It's alright, I'm feeling way better" I lied, "You've done a lot already".

"Okay…" she trailed off, reluctantly. I reached over to grab my bag out of the back seat, and tried to hide the involuntary wince I gave as the pain shot up my arm. I glanced at Natalie, she didn't seem to notice.

"Thanks for the ride," I said, "…and everything".

"No problem," she said, smiling, "Anytime".

"See you around, Natalie," I liked the way her name sounded when I said it.

"Bye, Adam," What I liked even more was the way my name sounded when she said it.

God, now I'm giving myself the runs…

I shut the door behind me, and gave a little wave as she pulled out of the driveway and made a U-turn back to the main street.

As I watched her disappear around the corner street, I couldn't help but think that universe had given me a second chance by sending me a nice, pretty girl who didn't know what I really was. Then, as I made my way inside, I also couldn't help but think that if she didn't find out today, it was only a matter of time that the school gossip would reach her and she would find out…

I slipped off my shoes and dropped my backpack by the door, next to Drew's football bag that told me he was home. Aside from the old, family van, there were no other cars in the driveway which meant that our parents weren't home.

I breathed a sigh of relief; I really hadn't wanted to deal with one of my mother's freak outs right now. She'd gotten super sensitive since the last time I came home all scrapped up—Owen and Fitz had thrown me into a door for using the guy's bathroom when Bianca told them (and everybody else) what she'd seen when she ripped open my shirt.

That time, Drew had gotten pretty messed up too for trying to defend me, which made her even more upset.

Since then, I feel like I've made real progress with her, she hadn't invite Grams to dinner for a while and even stopped having pronoun problems…In any case, I didn't want this little incident to mess up all that progress so I'd have to get myself cleaned up before she got home.

Until then, I was wanted to lay in bed and rest for a while and I'd been able to for a whole 4 minutes until Drew bound through my door.

"Good, you're home," he said, "I'm going out with Alli tonight…Which shirt to you like?"

I lay very still, keeping my eyes closed. I was so tired and my body hurt.

"I'm pretty sure the door was closed, Andrew," I said, trying to move my lips as little as possible "Ever heard of knocking?"

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, quickly. "But listen, which shirt do you like?"

"I don't know," I answered shortly, eyes still closed.

"C'mon, help you're bro out," he said, jabbing me playfully in the ribs. Unfortunately, with my eyes closed, I hadn't seen it coming, and was therefore unable to stifle the cry of pain, which ended up, involuntarily erupted from my mouth at the contact.

I sat bolt upright, but I knew it was too late the minute we locked eyes. Drew and I weren't biologically related but we were as close as brothers could get. He knew, immediately.

"They're messing with you again?" he said darkly, the tone of his voice doing a complete one eighty from the last time he spoke. His eyes were narrowed, flashing dangerously. It was a look so fierce, had I not been his brother, I would probably be afraid.

"It's nothing," I said quickly, clutching at my self defensively. Drew didn't speak, but he was advancing on me. Gently but firmly, he wrestled me out of my hoodie and my flannel shirt until I was down to the gray short-sleeved shirt I was wearing over my tank top and binding. To be honest, it wasn't very difficult given my current state.

Drew's expression became even more fierce as he caught sight of the sickly, dark bruises already forming all along my arms—I knew I would discover more along my sides and legs went I went to take a shower later.

"Fitz and Owen did this," said Drew—it wasn't a question.

"Andrew, please," I pleaded, "Don't do anything stupid".

"Those assholes," he said, ignoring me. He seemed distant, lost in thought.

"How many times do I have to tell you this isn't your battle?" I said, louder…I had honestly lost count.

"You're my sis—" he caught himself, "brother," he corrected himself quickly. "How many times do _I _have to tell _you_, if somebody messes with you, it automatically become my battle".

"Drew, please," I said again, "You know what happened last time. They beat you to a pulp. You can't take both of them, you know you can't. Just leave it. Please".

"You know I can't do that, Adam," said Drew seriously.

"Stop being so dramatic, Andrew. Geez." I said, getting annoyed. "You have to leave it. Besides, somebody saw what they did to me. I promise I'll have her tell Simpson if it continues. But I have a feeling it won't. I heard Owen say they have only one strike left before they get expelled".

This wasn't entirely a lie…I did hear them say that whether or not they would keep harassing me, I couldn't guarantee.

"Fine," said Drew, "But I'll be keeping an eye on them".

"Yeah, okay. Down boy," I said.

"I'm serious," Drew assured me.

"I get it, caveman. Grunt grunt sniff grunt" I said pushing him towards the door and trying my best to lighten up the situation. I grinned at him and Drew's hard countenance cracked and he gave me a small smile as he headed out the door

"You should go get cleaned up," he called from the hallway, "Mom and dad'll be home soon".

"Okay," I called back, "And Andrew?" I added, picking up the shirts he'd left on my bed.

"Yeah?" he said, reappearing at the door.

"Wear the blue one," I told him, throwing the shirts at him. He caught them grinned at me.

"Thanks, will do," he said, winking and vanished once more.

_A/N: Again, PLEASE REVIEW!_


	4. CHAPTER FOUR: Advanced English

Disclaimer: I do not own these wonderful characters, I just like to play with them :)

_A/N: Here is chapter four! I'm really popping out these babies, aren't I? Well, what can I say? I'm having fun writing them. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and don't forget to keep 'em coming! :) I thoroughly enjoy hearing from you guys. P.S. When I reread the previous chapters I noticed a few typos which I hadn't caught before so sorry about that. I'll try harder to fix those. Now without further ado..._

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**CHAPTER FOUR: ADVANCED ENGLISH**

The next day at school, I was glad to see that Andrew seemed to have forgotten all about what Fitz and Owen had done—Or at least, let it go like I'd asked him.

That morning, I found myself scanning every hallway I walked down for signs of dark, red hair or bright green eyes but had no luck. Admittedly, I felt a little dumb but I couldn't help it.

"Wow, what happened to you?" said Eli, joining me at my locker like he did every morning.

"What?" I glancing in the mirror stuck to my locker door, making sure the bruises on my shoulder and arms didn't stick out from my shirt collar or sleeves. I was right when I'd guessed that I'd be covered in them. When I cleaned myself up yesterday, I discovered more bruises, mostly on my left side, running all the way up to my shoulder. I had a few on my hip and down my leg and there were some here and there on my stomach and both my arms too. It looked sick and was a pain to hide from my mother. Luckily, I'm not one to wear shorts or t-shirts, so no one finds it odd when I'm completely covered up.

"You look horrible," Eli explained. "Like the walking dead…And coming from me, that's saying something". I laughed and he flashed me his impish grin but I could tell he was beginning to get a little worried.

"I'm fine," I lied, my arms, left side and the bump on the back of my head still throbbing.

"Still not sleeping?" came Clare's voice as she appeared on my other side.

"I slept _fine_," I told her, and this wasn't a lie. For the first time in what felt like months, I'd slept fairly well—Considering my body was covered in bruises…I mean, I hadn't had the nightmares, anyway. I glanced at Clare who didn't seem entirely convinced but seemed to decided it was better to let it go. "Are we going to English or what?" I asked, slamming my locker door shut a little too forcefully. The sound made my heart jump—Great, Fitz and Owen gave me Post Traumatic Stress…

"And what did the Pigs represent in George Orwell's Animal Farm?" Ms. Dawes asked the class at large.

Clare's hand, along with a few others, went up in the air but before Ms. Dawes could call on anyone, Principal Simpsons came through the classroom door accompanied by the very person I'd been waiting all day to see.

"Hi, everybody," he said, smiling warmly at the class. "This is Natalie Ford, guys. It's her second day here at Degrassi but her first day transferring to the advanced class. I trust all of you will make her feel welcome". He gave her an encouraging look and bid everyone adieu.

Natalie stepped forward just enough to hand Ms. Dawes a piece of paper.

"Welcome, Natalie," she said, taking the paper and gesturing for her to step father into the room. "Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?"

At these words—But only for a split second—Natalie looked moritified and I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. However, she regained composure instantly.

"I'd rather not bore everyone with the details," she simply, giving a little smile.

"Alright then, just take a seat. We're discussing the symbolism in George Orwell's Animal Farm," said Ms. Dawes kindly.

Natalie looked at the only empty seat, a rickety chair no one wanted at the front of the class. It was immediately to Clare's right. As she made her way over to the seat, her eyes found mine watching her. She smiled at me and her brows furrowed a little bit as she mouthed, "You okay?"

I nodded and found myself grinning, what I could only imagine was, stupidly. Realizing this, I looked away, cleared my throat and adjusted myself in my seat but when I looked back at her, she was seated and her back turned to me.

I sighed quietly and grimaced, absent-mindedly tracing the lining of my beanie with my fingers. _Real smooth, Adam_, I thought before trying to redirect my attention back to Animal Farm.

When the bell rang, I piled my books into my bag, feeling oddly self-conscious. I shook the feeling off and stole a look in Natalie's direction, she was talking to Clare.

Clare glanced at me, and catching me watching them. My eyes traveled towards Natalie who followed Clare's gaze and found me. Natalie and I locked eyes for the quickest nanosecond but I panicked and looked away quickly. Like an idiot, I ducked, bending over and pretending to be incredibly interested in the zipper of my backpack as I closed it up—and hoping, in vain, that they hadn't seen that weird display. What has gotten into me?

_Pull yourself together, man._

"Adam!" called Clare. _Yep, they'd definitely seen me._

I was double over in my seat, face near the backpack on the ground. At the sound of Clare's voice, I sighed and shut my eyes…preparing myself… then, I came up for breath.

"Hey, Clare!" I answered, through a tight mouth, trying to smile nonchalantly. Her and Natalie were coming my way.

"This is Natalie," she said, "She just moved here".

"We've met," I informed her. "Hi, Natalie".

"Hi, Adam," said Natalie.

"Oh," said Clare, sounding happy "Great".

"Glad to see you're still function after yesterday," Natalie told me.

"Yeah," I said, smiling but my eyes shot nervously in Clare's direction as I hadn't told her or Eli about yesterday's incident and I wasn't sure I wanted them to know. Not just yet, least.

"What happened yesterday?" asked Clare, looking puzzled, as was to be expected—Clare never missed anything.

"Nothing," I said quickly, "Nothing happened yesterday". I shot Natalie a pleading look, hoping she would back me up.

"Natalie?" Clare turned to her new friend. Natalie was looking at me, brows furrowed at the look on my face.

"Adam took a major face plant yesterday," she lied impressively, not taking her eyes off me. "Gotta learn to keep your laces tied, buddy".

"Yeah," I said, laughing with relief. "I'll try".

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_A/N: That's it for chapter 4, what do you guys think?_


	5. CHAPTER FIVE: The Rumors Are True

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine!

_A/N: A very short chapter-ette update. But never fear! Will be updating more today...Oh and, I can't say this enough: Please review! I can't tell you how happy each and everyone makes me._

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**CHAPTER FIVE: RUMORS ARE TRUE**

Clare invited Natalie to eat lunch with us; an invitation Natalie readily accepted. Lunch was fun but I felt unsettled the whole time, hyper self-aware and trying very hard not to make a fool of myself.

"I don't mind Animal Farm at all. It's actually pretty good compared to The Pearl," Clare was saying, when Eli joined us at our usual table outside.

"That's it," he declared, dropped his brown paper bag on the table and delicately lowering his backpack gently onto the seat next to him. "I hate P.E. I swear, the only purpose gym serves is to bore us out of our brains 'til we can't take it anymore and we kill ourselves".

"Eli Goldsworthy," Clare said, as though that explained everything.

"And yes, the rumors are true," Eli added, grinning.

"Really?" said Natalie skeptically. She was smiling and biting her lower lip. "Because people say you're obsessed with death".

"Clearly," said Eli sarcastically, laughing. He gestured over his shoulder at his large, black and very ostentatious hearse (a.k.a. Morty), which was parked nearby and clearly visible from where we were sitting.

"Wow," said Natalie, sounding impressed "Sweet ride".

"I like to think so," said Eli, grinning wickedly.

"Excuse him," Clare added laughing, "He's a little full of himself".

"Like I said," said, coming around to mine and Clare's side of the table "all the stuff you hear is true". He put an arm around each of us and flashing a thumbs up.

"I'd like to mention that only applies to Eli," said Clare, playfully pushing Eli's arm off of her and taking a bite of her sandwich.

"And what about you, Adam?" asked Natalie, laughing.

I froze, heart was going haywire. I don't know if it was trying to escape through my mouth because all of a sudden I felt like I was going to hurl or maybe break through my chest because it was so pounding hard. _Somebody told her. I knew it was too good to be true._

Clare must've correctly interpreted the look on my face because she was on top of it before I could even muster the strength to utter a syllable.

"Yup," she said, "QB 2's brother, obsessed with comics, super smart and loves the band, The Dead Hand… in fact, didn't you and Eli go to the reunion show?"

"We did," I said, finally able to speak and so gratefully for the smooth subject change.

"You're kidding?" said Natalie, "You're lucky. I love them".

_I'm sorry, did she just say she loved the Dead Hand? Kill me now._

"Sav borrowed his dad's sweet truck for the occasion and we got totally busted," Eli recalled excitedly. "Tell her, Adam". He hit me on the shoulder with the back of his hand as if to pass on the story telling baton. It hurt a little bit but I was a little too flustered to care.

Natalie turned her attention towards me, waiting for me to tell the story. I glanced at Clare, and she gave me an encouraging nod. I took a breath.

"Well, they played 'Your Paisley Jacket' as an encore, so we had to stick around but that made us short on time, so…"

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_A/N: GAH! REVIEW!_


	6. CHAPTER SIX: The Hug Fiasco

Disclaimer: Do not own.

_A/N: Hey guys! Here's the update as promised. It's substantially longer than the last one (Yipee!) Sorry it took a little longer than I thought, I was having trouble finding the words. Anyway, I hope you like it and please please please let me know what you think in a review, it means so much!_

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**CHAPTER SIX: THE HUG FIASCO**

_Oh god, oh god, oh god…I can't believe that just happened. I can't believe I just did that. I'm such a spaz! This is horrible._

Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

Clare and Natalie became fast friends—Probably bonding over all sorts of girly things I'll never understand. As a result, Natalie continued to hang out with us over the next few days, which was both a curse and a blessing. On one hand, with Natalie around so much, my chances of making a fool of myself in front of her increased exponentially. On the other, the more she was around, the more used to her I got and eventually I found I could relax.

On top of that, I had the feeling that, by some miracle, the news of my being trans, hadn't reached Natalie yet because she didn't seem to know—While it's not something I'm exactly ashamed of, it's easier when people don't know so I've got to admit, I was feeling pretty good. It seems the 'rumors are true' comment the other day, was just a joke.

Today was Saturday and we were all meeting at the Dot. My mom dropped me off early because she was taking Drew who was meeting Alli there half an hour before I was supposed to meet my friends and she didn't want to make two trips.

Eli, Clare and Natalie arrived soon after and everything was going fine until it was time to leave. We all got up, and after agreeing to meet at Clare's tonight to watch movies, we went our separate ways.

"Hey Natalie, wait up" I called, remembering the CD in my jeans pocket. "I, uh, burned this for you". Natalie took the CD, and examined the case, which was plain save for the title that I'd scrawled on the front. "It's an old Dead Hand bootleg".

"The 2005 Manchester show?" she asked, reading the title.

"Yeah," I said, playing with a loose string in my beanie.

"Wow. How did you get this? _No one_ has this," she said, looking up at me, impressed. I tried hard not to turn red.

"I have my ways," I joked. "Anyway, I thought maybe when you hear this, you'll realize how thoroughly mistaken you were when you said that you don't like the Dead Hand's earlier stuff". I was referring to, of course, a conversation—or rather argument—we'd had yesterday about which Dead Hand album was the best; a subject we'd thoroughly disagreed on.

"Hey," she laughed, punching me on the shoulder. "I stick by what I said".

"That's because you haven't heard this," I told her matter-of-factly, tapping the cover of the CD in her hands.

"Alright, alright, I'll give it a chance," she assured me. Then her tone shifted, and she looked at me with a look in her eyes I couldn't quite place…affection? "Thanks, Adam" she said, and I could tell she was touched by the gesture "This is really thoughtful".

Then _it _happened.

I hope the horror on my face wasn't too apparent; as it took place, I felt like I was witnessing it, in painstaking slow motion, not front my point of view but from that of an onlooker standing somewhere near by.

Natalie took a step towards me, and before I knew it, her arms were coming closer for what I'm sure was an innocent, thank you hug.

All I could think about was what happened last time a girl came into contact with my chest, despite the fact that I was binding, and the disaster that followed. Panicking, I locked my arms over my chest like a barrier. And just in time too, because a nanosecond later, Natalie wrapped her arms around my neck and proceeded to hug me.

She was warm and as much as I wanted to hug her back, I knew I couldn't.

It took only a second for her to realize that I wasn't hugging her back but crossing my arms in front of my chest, and she swiftly pulled away and jumped back, shoving her hands by her sides, like she'd just been burned. I looked at her face; her cheeks were bright red and her eyes bright with the embarrassment of rejection. I felt horrible but I couldn't explain.

As to be expected, there were a few moments of painful, awkward silence when neither of us could look at each other. Then finally Natalie cleared her throat and looked up at me.

"I should—I should go", she told me, her cheeks were still tinged pink.

Mortified, I didn't know what to say, so I didn't speak and just averted my eyes again. After another quick glance at me, she walked away and around the corner towards her parked car, leaving me standing there like an idiot, my arms still crossed over my chest.

After that, I got home feeling extremely low, my mind very cloudy. _What the hell was that? Now she thinks either thinks A). I hate her and don't want to hug her or B). That I've got serious mental problems…Or both. Either way, this is bad._

I turned on some good music, shut my bedroom door and sat on my bed, burying my head in my hands. I tried to stop myself from thinking about it but I ended up just reclining on my bed, my mind kept racing until I was so exhausted I fell asleep.

"Hey Adam," someone was shaking me gently. "Get up, bro". I shut my eyes tight and brought my hands up to rub them before I could get them open.

Drew was standing over me with the house phone in his hand, sticking it in my face.

"What?" I asked him blearily.

"It's Clare," he told me, and I took the phone from him.

"Hello?" I said, my voice still groggy.

"Adam, are you coming?"

"What?" I asked sitting up, before she could answer I remembered that we had plans. Glancing out of the bedroom window, I saw that it was dark outside. "Oh yeah…You know what? I'm a really tired, is it alright if I take a rain check?"

"You too?" Clare sounded disappointed. "Morty broke down again, and Eli can't get a ride over so he's not coming either. Natalie's the only one who showed".

"Sorry…" I said, for lack of anything better. I really was. I just didn't think I could face Natalie just yet; the wounds of embarrassment were too fresh.

"It's alright," said Clare, defeated. "I guess I can call Alli and we'll make it a girls night. I've been meaning to introduce them anyway".

"That's my Clare, so resourceful," I joked.

"Shut up," she said sternly but her tone was disarmed by the laugh that followed. "I'll see you, Monday".

"You bet," I said. "Bye".

I hung up the phone to find Drew still in the room, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said dispassionately, itching my nose with a swipe of my sleeve.

"You look all sad and pathetic, like a skinny little dog that got a bath," he said, "And now you're all shaky, drippy, and bulgy-eyed". He had little faces to accompany each adjective. I laughed, looking at my brother incredulously.

"Do you hear yourself when you talk?" I asked, still laughing.

"Eh," Drew shrugged, feigning confusion, then cracked up too.

"Honestly though," he said kindly, suddenly serious. "Are you okay?" His eyes were warm and I could tell he was concerned—I felt like I had no choice but to tell him everything.

So that's what I did—All about Natalie, how I thought I might like her, how she didn't know I was transgendered and, finally, the devastatingly awkward hug fiasco.

"Oh man," said Drew, giving me a look that told me he felt my pain. The fact that he didn't laugh was a true testament to our friendship and his loyalty as a brother. We sat in silence for a few moments, both of us lost in our own thoughts.

Then Drew said, "Adam…" trailing off. He said it in a way that was usually followed by something like 'the dog died'.

"What?" I asked, finally.

"These things are, tricky," he said, looking at me gravely. "Not everyone is—Well, some people are…what's the word you always use? Ignormites?"

"Ignoramuses?" I offered, tightening my lips into a smile.

"Yeah, that," said Drew, smiling a little before turning serious again. "I just don't want to see you get hurt".

"What're you saying?" I said, not quite sure what he was getting at. This seemed to distress him. He sighed frustratedly and brought his hands up to ruffle his hair.

"I don't know," he said finally, holding his hands on his head. "I'm not exactly an expert in relationships, am I? Girls, yes. Relationships, no. You were the one that helped me with Alli".

"This is different," I said. "With 'normal' guys and girls, it's easier".

"I know," agreed Drew. "Which is why I don't exactly have a speech prepared". He drew another deep breath. "To be honest Adam, after the whole thing with Bianca, I guess I just assumed you were going to give this stuff a rest for a while, you know? –I thought you'd lay off hitting on girls…" He trailed off.

"I'm not hitting on her," I told him.

"Adam, I know you," said Drew skeptically. "Maybe you're not being as forward and reckless as you were with Bianca but you have a way".

"A way?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Yes, your 'Adam way'" he said, "…That bootleg, for example?"

"I was just being nice," I said defensively. His expression told me I wasn't fooling anyone. "Fine, so maybe it was a little more than that" I admitted. "What do I do?"

"I don't know," he told me honestly. "Maybe you should lay low for a bit". I didn't like what he was saying but I knew he had my best interest at heart. But despite this, I knew that wasn't possible.

"Andrew," I told him seriously. "I can't just sit around and wait for the world to tell me it's okay to be happy…"

Drew nodded slowly, deep in thought, but I had the feeling that he was grasping my point. I waited in silence for him to say something but he just continued to nod and think for a bit longer.

Then finally, "Do you really like this girl?" he asked me earnestly.

"I think I do," I said, nodding.

"Alright then," he told me as though that settled everything. "I don't have the answer to your whole problem but I have a solution for the hugging thing".

* * *

_A/N: Well, that's it for chapter 6. How did you like it? I really hope y'all enjoyed it :) Will update again soon but remember, the more comments I get-The more eager I am to update ;)_

_Also, I'd like to add that I think the next chapter, or at least part of it, will be in Natalie's POV at the sleepover with Clare and Alli. What do you think of that idea? Let me know in the reviews._

_Until tomorrow xx,_

_Holly_


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN: Life of Natalie

Disclaimer: Do not own the characters!

_A/N: Tah-da! Chapter 7! This is Natalie's POV at Clare's house. I hope you enjoy and please please please review._

_P.S. This symbol ^ ^ ^ ^ means "later that evening" because I just realized my * * * haven't been showing up so I apologize if parts seemed to skip around in previous chapters._

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN: LIFE OF NATALIE**

"Well," Clare sighed loudly, I heard the electronic beep as she hung up her house phone re-entering her living room, putting the phone back on it's charger next to the television. "Adam's not coming either," she told me. "He's too tired".

"Oh," I said, trying to keep my tone cool but was I was wrestling with my disappointment that he wasn't coming and my relief that I didn't have to face him tonight. I felt my cheeks turn pink and was grateful that Clare was occupied with piling chips onto a plate and didn't seem to notice. _Tired, right…,_ I thought. I can't say I was convinced. Somehow I didn't feel like it was a coincidence given the awkward encounter at the Dot. _Great, he's avoiding me. I made such a fool of myself._

"Natalie?" I snapped out of my thoughts, eyes refocusing on Clare, who was looking at me as if waiting for an answer to a question.

"Can you say that again?" I asked, pretending that I hadn't quite heard what she'd said as opposed to being so lost in thought that I completely oblivious to her even speaking to me.

"I said 'I had an idea about maybe inviting Alli over?' Maybe you guys can stay over? We'll make it a girl night".

"Alli is Adam's brother's girlfriend, right?" I asked, regretting it a second later. _Great, now I have mentionitis._

"That's one way to put it," said Clare, giving me an amused, knowing smile. "She's also a good friend of mine". I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sure," I said, smiling. "A girl's night sounds great". Clare smiled back. "And it'll be nice to meet more people from Degrassi," I added. "Hardly anyone speaks to me unless it's to tell me I'm in their way, sitting in their seat or to relay some stupid piece of gossip…but I cut that off the first day".

"That's Degrassi for you," Clare told me, then told me a story about a day in her first semester when a guy named K.C. dared her to sing a hymn in front of the whole cafeteria and everyone threw trash at her.

"I'm so not into drama," I said. Clare snorted.

"Then you _so_ transferred to the wrong school," she said, chuckling. "But don't worry," she added. "It gets better". She smiled at me, and then went to call Alli.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^later^ ^ ^ ^ ^

"That's it," said Alli some time later, grabbing the remote control off the coffee table and turning off the television. "I love Edward and Jacob just as much as the next girl but this movie is getting boring".

"But Jacob was just telling Bella that he'd never hurt her like Edward did," said Clare defensively.

"Clare," said Alli. "You've seen this movie too many times. It's time for something more fun!"

Personally, I wasn't complaining. It was my first time watching this movie that Clare and Alli seemed to love but I can't say I was getting into it as much as they were.

"What do you suggest?" Clare asked cautiously, realizing she was defeated.

"Well, we can't play truth or dare because we don't have any boys," said Alli, shooting Clare a look like it was all her fault. "So what about truth or truth?"

"Truth or truth is just 'truth'" Clare informed her.

"Whatever," said Alli. "Truth, then. Let's play truth".

"I'm okay with that, I guess," said Clare, looking at me. I gave her a reluctant look in return but Alli said,

"Great!" and started the game right away, giving me no time to object. "Okay, Clare…You can start".

"Fine," said Clare. "Alli…when was the last time you cried?" Alli made a face.

"Lame," she declared.

"I'm starting off easy," justified Clare.

"Fine," sighed Alli. "A few days ago. I went to a movie with Drew and it was sad". "Now it's my turn to ask," she said quickly. "Clare, when was the last time you had a hot dream about a boy?"

Clare shifted uncomfortable and her cheeks turned red as she gathered her thoughts.

"I don't remember—" she said firmly. Alli narrowed her eyes, not convinced. When Clare didn't yield, she said,

"Fine, but who was the boy in the dream?"

Clare turned even redder, if that was possible, and she muttered something barely audible under her breath.

"What?" prodded Alli loudly.

"…Lie," muttered again, only slightly louder.

"One more time…" sang Alli, but I had the feeling she already knew the answer.

"Eli!" yelled Clare. "Are you happy?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"Immeasurably," said Alli, grinning angelically. I can't say this answered surprised me either; I had the sense that they liked each other. "Your turn to ask, Clare".

"Natalie," she said, turning to me. "Why did you transfer to Degrassi?"

"Well," I began. "My mom moved here right after my parents divorced years ago but I stayed back home with my dad. Until last month, when he got re-married". I paused, a strange, uncomfortable feeling washing over me. I hadn't told this story to anyone around here yet. Hell, I hadn't told this story out loud at all. "Anyway," I continued, drawing a shallow breath. "My dad got re-married and sort of decided that I didn't fit into his plan for a new life so he sent me here to live with my mom".

There was a short moment of silence after I finished my story.

_God, I sounded horribly melodramatic…_

"Wow," said Clare.

"Poor me," I joked, trying to lighten the mood. When that didn't seem to help I said, "It's fine. I was never particularly close to either of them anyway".

"That whole situation must suck," said Alli, looking at me kindly. I took a deep breath and forced a laugh.

"I don't really think about it anymore," I lied. "Anyway, isn't it my turn to ask?" I added, forcing another chuckle.

^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^

"Okay, okay!" said Alli giggling madly. "I'll tell you!" It was half an hour later and we were still at our game of truth. The mood had lightened significantly since my depressing, 'why I moved here' story and we were all laughing as Alli revealed an embarrassing story that involved herself, Drew and a four-pound tub of candy.

When Alli finished, all three of us collapsed laughing and didn't stop for a good two minutes. The mood was silly and I was having a lot of fun.

"My turn to ask," said Alli, breathing heavily and wiping a tear from her eye. "Natalie…"

"Shoot," I said, clutching my aching side and trying to steady my own breathing. Much less reluctant than I'd been at the start of the game because the questions I was getting weren't too bad (with the exception of the first one, obviously).

"Cutest boy at Degrassi?" Alli asked me.

"I don't know," I lied, by which I meant 'I do know'. I looked down at my hands because I knew my blushing would give me away.

"Oh, c'mon!" said Alli, not persuaded. "If you had to chose one…"

I took a deep breath.

"Um. I guess if I had to chose one…" I said slowly, buying my time and fidgeting with my hands, not daring to make eye contact just yet. "…Adam".

Alli snorted and looked at me as though I'd just made a joke. I glanced up just in time to see Clare shoot a disapproving look at her. Alli looked back at her, puzzled, as if to demand 'what?' Clare's eyes widened which was when Alli's face went blank and she coughed conspicuously.

But it was too late—I got the gist of what she'd meant. There's no way a guy like Adam would be into me—I wasn't fooling myself…anymore. Not after how he made it perfectly clear when I tried to hug him.

God, the very thought of it made me shudder. I was still so mortified. I didn't know how I'd be able to face him on Monday but I knew it was inevitable.

"I'm going to go get some more chips," I announced, getting up from the makeshift sleeping bag I was sitting on and made my way to the kitchen.

I stood in front of the numerous bags of chips Clare had set out but had no intention to pick any of them—I had just needed a reason to excuse myself. I took a breath and placed my palms on the cold granite countertop, allowing myself to lean a little bit.

_I know it's stupid but I can't get over it. I just want to know why—I don't understand what happened._

"Natalie?" came Clare's voice softly. I straightened up and saw her standing in the doorway.

"I can't decide which kind I want," I lied, forcing a laugh and a smile.

"I bet," she said, "this would help". She held up the plate that I'd been using. I laughed out loud at my stupidity but silently I was cursing myself for giving myself away by forgetting it in the other room. "Is it Adam?" she asked, approaching the counter and putting the plate down.

Caught off guard, I opened my mouth to lie but nothing came out.

"It's okay," Clare assured me. "You can tell me".

"I just can't figure him out," I said earnestly. "One minute he's giving me CD's and the next he's pushing me away…literally". Clare looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You _like_ him—" she began. It wasn't a question but I responded anyway.

"Yeah…" At that moment, I couldn't help but feel like an idiot.

"Everybody has their problems to work out," Clare told me. "Give him time". I had no idea what she was talking about but I had a feeling she knew something I didn't.

"I think I'll go with plain potato chips," I said, picking up the bag and piling some chips on my plate.

* * *

_A/N: Fin! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and a glimpse into Natalie's mind. I don't think I will be doing this POV swap too often (I've planned for only one more later much later) so I think this is pretty special. Let me know what you think in the reviews! The more reviews, the sooner I'll update. Until next time :)_

_xx,_

_Holly_


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT: Drew the Genius

Disclaimer: The only character who is of my creation is Natalie Ford.

_A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday-I totally meant to! To made up for that I've updated twice today! And I'm happy to point out that they are both pretty sizable chapters, indeed! And remember reviews are king! The more detailed the better! I'd like to give a shout out to "NumbnessforSound" who gave me a nice long one that made me literally laugh out loud. And to everyone else who has reviewed so far-You guys give me the warm fuzzies!_

_Enjoy:_

_

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_

**CHAPTER EIGHT: DREW THE GENIUS**

I woke up relatively early Sunday morning, squinting against the light flooding through my bedroom window. My muscles were horribly sore and the bruises felt tender, as they had every morning since my 'encounter' with Fitz and Owen. I was used to it by now but still terribly resentful.

I went into the bathroom with my ACE bandage, wrapping it carefully around my chest (it's the first thing I do every morning. I just don't feel right _au natural_, if you know what I mean) then headed downstairs to make myself a bowl of cereal. As I took the first bite, I realized the house was far too quiet. My parents had already left for work (even on Sundays!), which wasn't unusual. However, Drew was usually around here somewhere, blasting heavy metal and jumping around to get pumped for Sunday football practice or loudly cheering on some sports game on the television.

"Andrew?" I called, getting up and walking down the hall. "Andrew?" When there was no sign of him anywhere downstairs, I went up into his room. The blinds were closed so the room was shadowy and dark; I went over to the window and yanked them open. Little dust particles flew into the air, glistening in the rays of the sun.

There, amidst a tangle of navy blue sheets and last night's socks was a note. I picked it up and read it.

"Bro—

BRB.

–D"

I couldn't help it; I had to laugh out loud. _Wow. Very articulate, Andrew_, I thought._ He was never out this early—What could he be up to?_ I pocketed the note, and then I went downstairs to finish my cereal.

BRB had apparently didn't mean "be right back" anymore but be back in 6 hours because I was in the living room reading a comic in the mid afternoon by the time Drew came threw the front door.

"Hola, Brosef," he said, plopping down on the couch next to me as though he'd just nipped out for some milk.

"Where were you?" I asked.

"I went out to get something," he responded vaguely.

"For 6 hours?" I said incredulously. "What could take so long to buy?"

Andrew just flashed me an impish smile, reminiscent of Eli. "I can't _believe _you spend the whole day _shopping_," I said, trying not to get angry. "You told me you had a solution for my…" I contemplated the right words. "—_Hugging problem_". Drew still said nothing but it looked like he was having difficulty doing so. "We're wasting daylight here!" I exclaimed, finally. "Well?"

"Okay, okay…Keep your beanie on," said Drew at last. "I went out to get this". That's when I notice there was a thick plastic bag near his feet. He raised it onto his lap and pulled out something black with a flourish. "TA-DA!" He shouted, beaming with pride. It looked like a tank top.

"What is it?" I asked, anti-climatically.

"The solution to your 'Hugging problem. Duh.'" he said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. When my expression remained puzzled, he elaborated. "It's a compression top from a company called 'Underworks'…It's pretty much a fancy, more effective binder".

He threw it onto my lap, it landed on my comic book. I held it out in front of me, feeling the fabric. The top part that went over _those things on my chest_ (I shuddered to name them) was made of this thick-ish, squeezing material, perhaps spandex? Then it came down over my stomach in soft cotton, just like a shirt.

"Wow," I said. "Where did you get this?"

"I know a guy," was all Drew said.

"And you're sure this thing works?" I asked.

"If we do everything right…guaranteed" he declared.

"Isn't a little small?" I observed. It looked significantly smaller than my normal tank tops.

"Do you want to control all of _this_?" he waved his hands over his own chest a few times. I frowned.

"Yes," I said.

"Then you'll have to get used to it," he informed me.

"Wow," I said again. Drew laughed.

"I can't believe _I_ know about these things and you don't," he teased. "You're, like, _the worst_ trans-guy _ever_…Haven't you ever heard of the Internet?"

"Yes," I said, "I have heard of the internet, thanks very much…wait a minute, how _do_ you know about these?"

Drew looked down at his shoes when I asked the question.

"Well," he told me. "When you came out as, you know, a guy, I went on the internet and learned all I could about transgender-ness and stuff…You know, I thought the more I understood, the more I could help you out".

"You voluntarily read something that wasn't the sports section in a newspaper? For me?" I asked, pretending to be awe-struck.

I was kidding around at that moment but I was truly very touched. I thought about how much I really loved my brother. Of course, I didn't tell him that because guys don't do that. I opted to give him a man-hug, instead.

"Come here, you dumb jock," I said, advancing on him.

"Alright, alright. Don't get all mushy on me" he said, after I finished hugging him but he was smiling widely. "Just show me I done good…Go try it on".

And so I rushed into the nearest bathroom and did just that; and I must admit, that is way easier said than done. Like I said, it was smaller than most things I try to fit into and the tender bruises all over my person sure didn't help.

When I finished putting it on, I turned around to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. _Wow._

I turned to one side, and then the other.

And even just standing here in the bathroom in nothing but the binder, _it _looked pretty much completely flat. I mean, thank the powers that be, I've never had that much in the first place but this was…

"Amazing," I breathed out loud to myself.

_I've been doing this all wrong, _I thought. I turned to my other side again, unable to take my eyes off my flat chest. I decided to try on my baggy flannel shirt over it, to see how it would look.

_This just keeps getting better and better_, I thought excitedly, just as finished buttoning the last button and saw that it looked as flat as can be. I didn't care that it felt a little tight. I didn't care that it would take some getting used to.

I just kept staring and staring until…

Knock, knock.

"Adam?" Drew called from the other side of the door. "You've been in there for, like, over half an hour…Are you still alive?"

I took one more glance in the mirror, straightened my beanie and then threw open the door.

"You are a genius!" I shouted at my brother.

"Wow," said Drew. "That's the first time anyone's ever said that to me..." He was grinning. "Feels good," he added, raising his eyebrows

"What do you think?" I said, spreading my arms. "Can you tell?"

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" he joked. "I don't see a thing". I punched him on the arm.

We were grinning at each other in triumph went he added "We can't celebrate just yet…We still need to perform a hug test".

"What do you mean?"

"You know, a hug test. You might not be able to see _them_," he nodded his head once towards my chest. "But that doesn't mean someone won't be able to feel them when you hug".

"Okay," I said, taking a step towards him with my arms out. "Hug me, brother!"

"It work with me," he said, I'm too football player-ey," he said, "We need to find someone skinny and small, like Natalie".

Just then the doorbell rang.

I went to open the door, a new spring in my step. It was Wesley Betenkamp, Drew's science tutor.

"Hi, I'm Wesley…Wesley Betenkamp," he said in his usually awkward manner, straightening his glasses. "Is Drew here?"

"Wesley, we have 3 classes together and you come to my house at least once a week to tutor Drew…I know who you are," I said, amused.

All he did was cough in response.

"Drew! Billy Nye is here!" I called to my brother in the other room.

"Bill who?" he asked, appearing in the hallway. "I don't know anybody named Bill". Then he came up behind me and spotted Wesley. "His name's Wesley…"

I rolled my eyes.

"Bill Nye the science guy?" I asked. "Get it?" Drew raised an eyebrow. "C'mon!" I explained. "This is comedy gold".

"Yeah, whatever," said Drew, looking at me like I was an alien. "Come on in Wesley, let's go in the dining room". Wesley, carrying a backpack that looked rather heavy, went ahead but Drew hung back and whispered, "I think that binder is too tight…Not enough oxygen is getting to your brain". He tapped his temple and turned to leave.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash that came from the dining room. Drew and I rushed in together to find Wesley had fallen, books and papers spilled on the floor around him.

"Are you okay?" asked Drew, offering his hand to help Wesley up and trying not to laugh.

"Yeah," said Wesley, turning red from embarrassment. "The books were a little heavy…I have skinny arms".

At those words, Drew's face lit up.

"Perfect!" he exclaimed, grabbing me and pulling me towards Wesley. "Wesley, hug my brother".

"Wha-at?" asked Wesley and I in unison, both looking at Drew.

"He's small and skinny," Drew told me. "—No offense, Wes" he added to Wesley.

"None taken," squeaked Wesley, eyes still wide with bewilderment.

I took a deep breath. Drew had a point. I mean, Wesley was skinnier than Natalie but he was small—The best option at this point and I really needed to know if this thing worked.

"Fine, just do it," I said, taking a step forward and bracing myself.

"Uh, I'd rather not…" said Wesley, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and looking horrified.

"No homo, bro," Drew told him, hitting him on the shoulder (Wesley winced). "It's all in the name of science". Wesley glanced at me, then at Drew and then at me again.

"In the name of science…" he repeated, and after a moment or two, proceeded to hug me.

"Well?" Drew and I asked, together, when Wesley stepped back.

"Well, what?" echoed Wesley. "I'm not sure what I was supposed to be proving…?"

"Did you feel anything, _there_?" asked Drew eagerly.

"Where?"

"In the chest-al region?" Drew explained, gesturing to his chest. Wesley looked as if he was going to be sick.

"You mean…You mean…?" he stuttered.

"Did you feel any boob-age?" snapped Drew, impatiently.

"Oh god," said Wesley, turning even more green, at the same time I exclaimed "Drew!", completely taken aback by his bluntness.

"Sorry, bro…There's no other way to put it," he said, shrugging.

"I'm one hundred percent positive, _there is_," I informed him, amused.

"Well?" Drew asked again. "Did you?"

"No…" said Wesley, at last.

"Are you sure?" I asked. _I mean, he didn't know what he was looking for so maybe he missed it?_

"Yes," he answered shortly.

"Positive?" I pressed.

"Guys!" Wesley snapped. "I've never come in contact with a female breast…If I had, just now, I think I would notice". There was a moment of silence, the last word of the sentence, hanging in the air.

Then Drew and I looked at each other and immediately cracked up.

* * *

_A/N: There you go! What did you think? Let me know! I love hearing from you guys. Anyway, onto chapter nine, right? I've given you guys two new chapters today (and completely procrastinated my homework to do so, might I add :D )_

_P.S. I apologize if there are any spelling mistakes. I was so eager to get this chapter up that I've only read it through like once or twice, at the most._

_Until next time xx,_

_Holly_


	9. CHAPTER NINE: Man on a Mission

Disclaimer: I do not own...'cept Natalie

_A/N: I won't bore you with a long authors note this time. Enjoy! ...but review!_

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**CHAPTER NINE: MAN ON A MISSION**

I awoke super excited Monday morning. Like, bursting out of my skin, excited. I got out of bed, grabbed the days' clothes (along with my secret weapon) and headed to the bathroom early, keen to get there before Drew did so he couldn't hog it by doing his hair all morning.

_I was on a mission._

After showering, I sipped into my clothes, including my new binder, happy to see that at least the bruises on my arms had healed to the point where they were barely noticeable anymore. I was just buttoning up a blue flannel shirt when a knock came on the bathroom door.

"Come on, Adam! Open up. I need to do my hair!"

"I'm almost done," I said, fixing my hair.

Drew had just begun saying, "You took less time to get ready when you were a—" when I swung the door open.

"Don't even bother…" I told him, smiling. Referring to the phrase Drew always says when he wants to get me to open the door. Nothing could bring down my mood today.

"Here," said Drew, throwing something black at my head upon entering the bathroom. I pulled it off my face and held it up. It was the t-shirt I bought at the Dead Hand reunion concert I went to with Eli and Sav. I still looked brand new because I'd never worn in before. "You should show it off today," Drew told me.

"I don't wear short-sleeve shirts," I reminded him. "You can see my…" I trailed off, as something occurred to me. It must have shown in the expression on my face because Drew was grinning at me broadly and he wiggled his eyebrows.

_You couldn't see my…anymore. Could you? No, my binder was just too tight._

"BOO-YAH!" I yelled, raising my hands in victory. Drew cracked up.

"Dude? Booy-yah?" he asked me. I just shrugged, unable to stop smiling. _I was finally going to wear my Dead Hands shirt_, I thought. I threw off my flannel shirt as quick as I could and pulled the black Dead Hand shirt over my head.

When it was all the way on, I readjusted my beanie and examined myself in the mirror, turning from side to side—Ecstatic when it finally hit me that you couldn't see a thing.

"I'll leave you two alone," joked Drew, grabbing his toothbrush and headed out of the bathroom, chuckling.

Still looking at myself in the mirror, I brought my hands up and held them in front of my like guns, pretending to shoot. I holstered my guns and ran my fingers over my beanie.

Finally, I winked at my reflection. _I look good._

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I spotted Eli and Clare on a bench outside the front of the school when my mom dropped me off this morning.

"Knock 'em dead," Drew told me, slapping me on the back. Then he winked and went off in the opposite direction, probably to find Alli. "Thanks!" I called after him.

"Hey guys," I said, coming up behind Eli and Clare. "Great day, isn't it?"

"Someone's chipper today," said Eli, grinning crookedly. "Nice shirt," he noted.

"Just got up on the right side of the bed, I guess," I said coyly, shrugging and smiling widely.

"You look nice," Clare declared. "Did you get a haircut?"

"Nope," I said, taking a seat next to them. _Oh brother, could my grin get any wider? _I looked around, searching the sea of people for signs of the familiar, dark red hair but it was nowhere in sight. "Have you seen Natalie?" I asked my friends.

Before either of them could answer, the bell rang and we had to head off to class.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Have you guys seen Natalie?" I asked again at lunch. The three of us were seated outside at our usual table but Natalie hadn't joined us yet.

"I'm sure she's around here somewhere," said Clare in an odd tone. "She was in my math class this morning".

"I haven't seen her at all today," I said. _…and believe you me, I was on the look-out._ The only class I had with Natalie was English and that was only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

"She's around," said Clare, her tone was odd again which made me suspicious that perhaps she wasn't divulging all the information she was privy to.

"Okay…" I said slowly, watching her face. She just smiled sweetly. I decided not to think to much of it, for all I know it had nothing to do with Natalie.

"So how was remedial gym?" asked Eli.

"We're starting our mini-golf unit," I said, dispassionately. "How do you _think_ it was?" I did smile, however, as I recalled that even Bianca, who always whispered mean things at me under her breath when I walked by, couldn't think of anything rude to say to me today—I guess I was in too good a mood, she knew it was no use wasting her breath.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

By the time the last bell rang, I had completely given up on seeing Natalie and, slightly depressed about not having the chance to redeem myself, I made my way over to the Dot to have a milkshake because Drew had football practice and we didn't get picked up until after it was over.

The little bell on the door tinkled as I made my way inside. Like it always was after school, the Dot was packed and no tables were free. I spotted one seat at the counter between a redheaded girl with thick glasses doing homework and a sandy-haired chess-club guy chatting with his neighbor.

"'Sup, Baby Torres," said Peter, handing me a menu. I rolled my eyes. He insisted on calling me 'Baby Torres' despite my only being one grade below Drew—_Talk about emasculating_. I ordered my chocolate shake with a side of fries and tapped my fingers absent-mindedly on the counter, waiting patiently. Eventually, I got to looking around the Dot.

A small cluster of girls from the Spirit Squad were sitting a table to my right, still in their uniforms, talking about some cheer or another they had yet to perfect.

I recognized Holly J and Declan's sister, Fiona, on the other side, whispering in hushed tones—Holly J looked worried, Fiona looked a little out of it.

Out of the large window, I could see K.C. and Jenna Middleton having a heated argument at a table outside.

A couple of guys from my grade, Dave, Connor and Wesley were sitting at a table to my other side. Connor was saying something that Dave and Wesley seemed to find funny. I was too far away to hear what it was. As he was laughing, Wesley glanced my way—Spotting me, his eyes widened with fear, and he quickly turned back to his friends…I laughed out loud—guess he still wasn't over what happened yesterday.

"Here you go, Baby Torres," said Peter. I turned back around to see him sliding a milkshake and hot fries towards me. I picked up a fry and, as I was put it in my mouth, I looked distractedly towards the girl with the glasses to my right. Recognizing her, I bit into the French fry hard, not realizing it was still burning hot.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, jumping. But my shock at recognizing the identity of the girl overpowered the burning sensation that singed my tongue.

"Natalie?" I asked, louder than I meant to. Oh, and I'm sure my tongue was semi-hanging out like an idiot. She didn't look up, which is when I noticed she had earphones on.

I reached over and tapped her gently on the shoulder…effectively startling her, like a moron.

She jumped about a foot off her stool at the contact—Her books, papers, pens and Ipod, went flying along with some of my French fries. Pretty much, the only thing that remained in place where the thick, brown glasses on her face.

"Adam?" she exclaimed, one hand clutching the space on her chest just under her throat. "Jesus F—!"

"Don't let Clare hear you finish that sentence," I joked. I felt relieved when she smiled at me, like the weight that I'd been carrying around all day was lifted from my shoulders. She laughed at what I said, pushing some hair from her face and readjusting the glasses on her face.

Then just like that, it was gone. Her eyes suddenly widened in panic and she ripped the glasses off her face as lightening speed. Her cheeks tinged pink.

"I should pick this stuff up," she muttered, getting off her stool and starting to collect the fallen items.

"Here let me help you," I said, getting up quickly from my own stool.

* * *

_A/N: Ta-da! Review! Review! Review! I'll update as soon as I can._


	10. CHAPTER TEN: Redemption

Disclaimer: Only own Natalie!

_A/N: Hey guys! Here's tonight's chapter. Number ten! Woo-hoo! Did anyone see tonight's new episode, by the way? In case you haven't, don't want to spoil it so all I'll say is: Exciting! I can't wait for tomorrow, the finale! ...Then none 'til October. Sad :( ...Woah, haha. Kind of bi-polar there. Anyway, enjoy the chapter and don't forget to drop me a review-that would be much appreciated!_

_P.S. I wanted to thank everyone who has reviewed/favorited/alerted/etc... so far, you guys are seriously the best (and if you haven't reviewed yet, you are still the best. Heheh.) Another special shout out to "_The Piped-Piper" _who I meant to give a shout out to yesterday for their long and funny review but totally forgot. So there's that, won't keep you any longer...Enjoy!_

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN: REDEMPTION **

I bent down without another word, and began gathering up some papers that looked like math notes by my right shoe. By the time I'd finished gathering the stack, she'd finished picking up everything else and was standing, stuffing the contents of her arms forcefully into her backpack. I stood up slowly, and after wiping some stray French fry salt of the top most paper, I handed them to her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, as she stuffed those in the backpack as well. She barely looked up at me but I could see her face was still pink. "I have to go," she told me quickly and headed towards the door. Not catching sight of the small "PULL" sign near the handle, she promptly slammed into it. Realizing her mistake, she yanked the door open furiously and vanished onto the street, walking fast around the corner.

I stood there for a minute, staring at the door like an idiot as it closed. I took a deep breath, debating whether to follow her or not. _The minute she saw me, she wanted to get the hell out of here_, I thought. _She must really hate me…_

But I _had_ to make things right. Failure _wasn't_ an option.

Determined, I threw money next to my half-eaten fries and untouched milkshake and raced out the door after her. When I got outside, I glanced down the street both ways, and spotted her making her way swiftly towards her ancient, blue car in the distance.

"Natalie!" I called, jogging towards her, waving my warm. She didn't look up. "Natalie!" I called again as I got closer but I was still too far away for her to hear me. "Hold on a second!"

I saw that the zipper of the backpack that was slung over her shoulder was slightly open and a few papers had fallen out.

She continued to walk swiftly, and didn't stop or slow down as I called her one last time, so I jogged faster, scooping up the couple of fallen papers as I went. Finally catching up with her, I stepped in front of her, cutting her off.

"Adam!" she said, shocked to see me again, ripping the earphones from her ears—Well, that explained why she couldn't hear me. I also noted that the thick glasses had been returned to her face.

I think it's important to mention that, when I sat in English this morning, instead of paying attention to whatever Ms. Dawes was talking about, I was planning a fantastic speech to give Natalie when I finally confronted her.

But as she looked up at me, wide-eyed behind those enormous glasses, all of my preparation went out the window—Just like that.

Without thinking, without beating around the bush, I took a step towards her and pulled her close to me. I felt her body tense up in surprise then relax into the hug. I couldn't help it, I had to close my eyes—she was so small and warm. For a second, I felt like a "real guy", that is to say a bio-male. We stood there for what felt like several minutes before we finally broke apart.

"Wha-at was that for?" asked Natalie, her eyelashes fluttering. She looked slightly flustered. I shrugged, giving her a crooked smile. I guess I felt it was better to remain ambiguous as opposed to lying about it. Taking my shrug as a satisfactory answer, she smiled, rather shyly, back at me.

After another moment of silence, I extended my hand, holding the fallen papers out for her to take. She took them from me; they crumpled as she closed her hand tightly around the papers, pressing them against her chest.

"Thanks," she breathed, not taking her eyes off mine. For some reason, it seemed unclear whether she was thanking me for the papers or the hug.

"I should go," I said finally, my voice much lower than I'd intended "Drew's football practice is ended soon".

"Okay," she said, nodded. Adding, "I should go too, I've got a lot of homework".

"Okay," I echoed.

"Alright," she said. We both let out a little laugh.

"Okay," I said again.

"Bye," she said.

"Bye," I agreed. With that, we both slowly and reluctantly turned and started walking in opposite directions. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure she was far enough away that we was out of earshot then whispered "BOO-YAH," under my breath, bringing my fists up ever-so-slightly and grinning to myself.

I walked for a while longer and found myself straining my ears to listen intently for her fading. _I give myself the runs,_ I thought. Then something else occurred to me.

"Hey Natalie?" I called, turning around quickly. She was pretty much all the way to the next street but she must of heard me because she turned back to face me.

"Yes?" she responded.

"You weren't in English this morning. And I didn't see you around school at all!" I said loudly, so she could hear me.

"I look stupid in these glasses!" she told me, tapping the brown frames, as though that explained everything. "See you tomorrow!".

"Bye!" I headed back towards Degrassi again, rubbing the back of my neck, grinning broadly like a moron, despite the fact that I still had no idea why she wasn't in English this morning.

_Why would she avoid me just because she thought she looked stupid in her glasses?_

"Oh well," I told myself aloud, shrugging. _Girls will always remain a mystery, I guess._

I made it all the way back to Degrassi with the stupid grin on my face and wore it all evening until dinnertime when it was promptly wiped off my face by my mom's news.

"What do you mean Grams's coming down from Windsor?" I said angrily over dinner hours later. The whole family was sitting around the dining room table digging into my mother's meatloaf but suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore. "I thought you said we'd give that a break for a while, until we figured out a way to tell her?"

"I know, Adam—" My mom began.

"So you've got a stunning plan then?" I snapped, skeptically. I looked to Drew for back up but he just shot me a 'shut up' look, like he knew something I didn't. I knew I was being rude but at that moment, I didn't care. "I'm not dressing up for Grandma-Not for anyone-anymore, I won't do it," I told her, there was a promise in my voice.

"Adam," said my mom, raising her voice to talk over me. "No one is expecting you to pretend to be Gracie. I promised you I wouldn't make you do that anymore and I intend to keep my promise but tomorrow isn't the best day to out you Grams".

"There's no better time then the present," I told her.

"Because, it's the two year anniversary of Gramps' death and I don't want to stress her out at such a sensitive time," my mom said. Oh, I didn't know that...I guess that's what Drew was telling me to 'shut up' about.

"Don't want to send her into cardiac arrest..," I mumbled under my breath, remembering something Eli said a while back.

"Plus, she says she has some news," added my dad. "We don't want to overshadow or undermine that by dropping a bomb of our own".

I supposed they both had a point. I nodded.

"Alright," I said calmly. "I don't want to be inconsiderate".

"Thanks for understanding, honey," said my mom, reaching over and squeezing my hand.

"So what am I going to do then?" I asked. "If don't have to go as Gracie? …I can't come, can I?"

"Why don't you make other plans?" suggested my mom.

"I can bail too, dude and keep you company?" offered Drew. I took a deep breath.

"Nah, man," I told him. "You go. Grams is going to need someone to laugh at her jokes". I forced a smile. Which Drew returned and ruffled my hair encouragingly.

After dinner, I called Eli. Surprise! He had plans with Clare. I guess I'll just stay in and read some Goon comics or order Mixed Martial Arts Madness on Pay-Per-View.

* * *

_A/N: There you go, friends! I'll have you know I totally put my homework off again so that I could finish this and get this up for you guys tonight. Anyway, next chapter is Grams' visit, Adam/Natalie have finally made up, and much more! Stay tuned._

_xx,_

_Holly_

_P.S. I would really appreciate a review! They light up my life! In fact, I'm willing to give an exclusive sneak peak of the next chapter to the first 5 people to review this chapter. dun dun dun. Think about it ;)_


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN: Grams

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Degrassi characters! Just Natalie.

_A/N: So sorry for not updating for a couple of days-School is really kicking my butt. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Particularly, the last few who reviewed recently, you really inspired me to finish this up and get this up here...So thanks._

_I know you guys have been waiting for this so without further ado, here's Chapter 11 (the longest chapter of this story yet!) Enjoy!_

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: GRAMS**

Neither Eli nor Clare had arrived yet when I got to school the next morning because my mom dropped Drew and me off early for Drew's morning football practice. Degrassi looked like a ghost town on mornings like this, only the football players and other teams with early practices, were here this early.

I sat at Eli, Clare's and my usual bench near the front steps of the school and pulled out a Goon comic Eli had lent me last week, to pass the time until people started showing up.

I had been reading for about forty-five minutes, when a sudden ruckus tore threw the quiet morning air.

"Well, maybe I'll send you back to live with your good-for-nothing father and his skank!" Screamed a woman's voice, her words were slurred and abrupt.

"Mom, that's not fair," said another voice, calmly. This was one I recognized. I looked up from behind my comic book. It was Natalie, standing by the open door of a small, black car talking to the person driving it who's face I couldn't see from the angle I was sitting.

"Yeah, well life isn't fair," spat the disembodied voice.

"I'll see you later," said Natalie, slamming the car door. The car drove off, tires screeching violently.

Natalie turned her back on the car driving away, clutching some books to her chest. She stood there in the street for a minute, blinking a few times to, I assume, hold the tears that were starting to flood her eyes. She breathed deeply, regaining her composure but a single tear escaped. Natalie wiped it away angrily, scoffed to herself as if she was being stupid and walked on towards the school.

I felt like I'd just eavesdropped on a private moment and owed it to her to reveal myself.

"Natalie!" I called, making myself known.

"Adam," she said, suddenly looking embarrassed. I closed my comic and slung my backpack over my shoulder, getting up to join her by the steps.

We stood there in completely silence for a few seconds—It felt like we had the habit of doing this.

Finally, I said, "Are you okay?" I shifted my eyes towards the place where the argument had taken place, to clarify what I was referring to.

Most people would have just said 'Yeah, I'm fine,' and walk away or 'No, I'm miserable,' and break into tears—Natalie did neither of those things. Instead, she seemed to give the question considerable thought before answered.

"Everyone's got a sob story, Adam," She told me, as if what I had just witnessed was no big deal. "It's how we deal with it that sets us apart from each other".

With that, she walked up the stairs and made her way into the school. I stayed at the bottom of the steps, thinking about what Natalie had just said, it occurred to me how very true that was.

I sat back down on the bench, opening my comic book up once more but this time, I couldn't really focus.

^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^

People began to arrive about half an hour later. I kept my eyes peeled for my friends but they seemed to be running later than usual. Finally, I saw Eli walking towards me from the parking lot.

"Hey, dude, how's it hanging?" said Eli, slapping me on the back and jumping over the back of the bend, taking a seat next to me.

"Just finishing up your Goon comic," I told him.

"So I was thinking, I feel really bad about bailing on you in your hour of need, man," Eli told me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"Tonight, the thing with your Grandma," he said. "I know you're bummed about being excluded from the whole dinner thing…"

"Oh," It felt like I'd only just remembered. After that whole incident with Natalie this morning, the whole Grams thing seemed like a distant dream.

"Yeah," continued Eli. "So I was thinking maybe you could join Clare and me…We were just going to get something to eat". I was touched by the gesture, but I knew how much alone time with Clare meant to Eli—I didn't want to ruin it.

"It's cool, man," I assured him. "I don't want to third wheel-it. It's not fair on you and Clare. Besides, I already ordered Pay-Per-View this morning…"

"Adam," said Eli, grabbing me by the shoulder and looking me in the eyes seriously. "You know I'm a full supporter of _alone-time_ _fun with pay-per-view_…But doing that for a whole evening is unhealthy". He grinned at me impishly. "Your hand is going to get very sore," he added with another evil grin "Trust me".

"Ew. Don't be gross, Eli" I laughed.

"Just speaking from experience, here," he said, "Anyway, wouldn't you much rather hang out with your friends?"

"Fine," I relented, smiling sheepishly. _It would be really nice to just hang out with Eli and Clare again, like old times._

"There it is!" said Eli, throwing his hands up and smiling also.

"Where are we going to eat?" I asked.

"Tsk tsk, young grasshopper," said Eli, closing his eyes and doing his his best imitation of a sage voice. "It's not the where but the with whom, that is important".

"I thought we had already 'clarified' with whom," I said, "Pun completely intended". Eli laughed.

"Yes, it'll be you, me and Clare…but wouldn't it be rude not to invite our new friend along as well?"

"Na-Natalie?" I sputtered, getting caught off guard.

"Oh yes," said Eli slowly, giving me a knowing smile.

"She wouldn't be interested…" I began.

"Oh but I think she would," said Eli. "And guess who's going to ask her?"

"Clare?" I asked hopefully.

"Nope…You, Casanova," he told me.

I opened my mouth to argue but the bell rung loudly, drowning out my protest.

"Intellectual stimulation awaits!" declared Eli, standing up and extending one arm dramatically.

"Yeah, yeah..Lead the way, Einstein," I said, following him inside.

^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^

I spent the whole of English staring at the back of Natalie's red-haired head, trying to think of a way to ask her to join Clare, Eli and I afterschool.

Now I know what you're thinking, its just friends hanging out. But how wrong you are…If I come on too strong, she'll think I'm hitting on her and inviting her out on a double date. And I don't want to scare her off so soon…Awkward. Why is this stuff so hard?

The bell rang far too soon, and since I didn't have a strategy yet, I packed up my stuff as fast as I could and bolted out of the classroom.

Remedial gym was just as hard to focus on as English. In case it didn't already occur to you, ping-pong and thinking about how to ask someone to dinner, is a lethal combination. I kept hitting the ping-pong balls right into my partner's face and let's just say, he wasn't too happy about it.

Eventually, I asked the teacher for a hall pass and excused myself to the bathroom. I didn't really have to go but I thought it'd be wise to leave before I killed my partner, or my partner killed me…Either way.

I pulled the handicap—Sorry, I mean 'special needs'-washroom key that Simpson gave me out of my bag and made my way out the classroom. I decided that instead of wondering around and risk getting caught by a teacher, I might as well go and at least wash my hands since I'd been touching those padels (who knows where they've been) and I had nothing better to do.

So I went inside the washroom, taking my time to wash my hands so I didn't have to go back to the class too soon after I'd left. Once I finished, I looked in the mirror, fixing my bangs that poked out from under my beanie.

"Natalie…" I told my reflection. "I—". That sounded stupid already. I stopped abruptly. I backed up out of my reflection. Then I walked back in front of the mirror. Turning, I said,

"Natalie," to my reflection as though I'd just caught of her. "Eli, Clare and I were just go—" I stopped again…_that wasn't any better_, I thought.

I shifted my beanie, on my head so that it was tilted slightly. "Hey, Natalie," I said in my best imitation of a cool voice, giving my reflection 'the nod'. _Yeah, right_, I thought. I pulled my beanie off all the way and ruffled up my hair.

"'Sup, Natalie?" I told my reflection. _"Look at you, all Machismo"_, Eli's voice rung in my head and I suddenly felt embarrassed. Abandoning the bathroom mirror, I made out of the bathroom, continuing to rehearse possible ways to talk to Natalie.

"Hi, Natalie," I tried. "Hey, Natalie," I was saying as I came through the door.

"Hey, Adam," came Natalie's voice behind me. I'm sure I jumped about eight feet in the air. With my hand on the back of my neck, I whirled around to see Natalie standing behind me, the girl's bathroom hall pass clutched in her hand. I saw her catch a glimpse of the handicap sign on the washroom door. "What were you doing in the handicap bathroom?" she asked me, puzzled.

"Special needs…" I squeaked nervously under my breath, completely cornered.

"What? I didn't catch that," Natalie told me, apparently thinking I answered her.

"I, uh…" I began. _It's now or never!_, a voice in my head was shouting at me. "I, uh…I asked if you wanted to grab some early dinner with Clare, Eli and me…tonight".

"Oh," said Natalie, looking pleased. "Absolutely, yeah". And just like that, the reason for my coming out of the handicap washroom suddenly didn't matter anymore than the names of the guys who dance behind Lady Gaga.

"Great," I said happily. _I'd done it!_ And she didn't even seem repulsed. "Meet you in front after school?"

"Will do," said Natalie, smiling. "I'd better go," she added, holding up her hall pass.

"Yeah, me too," I said, shoving my beanie back on my head. I stepped to the right to go around her, just as she did the same to the left. The awkward 'trying to get around' dance ensued until I grabbed her by the shoulders and sort of spun us around, so we were both on the sides we wanted. Natalie laughed.

"See ya later," she said, turning and walking away. I turned also, smiling broadly, very pleased that she'd said yes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^

"So where are we going?" I asked Eli, afterschool. We were waiting on the front steps for Clare and Natalie.

"I thought we'd grab a little Chinese," he told me. "There's a place on Third Street that's supposed to be really cool". He flashed me one of his mischievous grins, which made me suspicious.

"Why, what's wrong with it?" I asked, my eyes narrowed warily. Knowing Eli, 'cool' was always something dark and creepy. He laughed when he saw the look on my face and gave me an innocent smile.

"Rumor has it, it's haunted," he finally admitted, grinning even more broadly.

"Of course it is," I said, laughing and rolling my eyes.

"You guys ready to go?" said Clare, appearing at my shoulder. Natalie was by her side.

"More than ever," said Eli. He got all googly-eyed whenever he saw Clare, this time being no different. He smiled at her crookedly and she gazed back at him smiling shyly. _Oh, brother…_

"You two give me the runs," I told them. Clare blushed deeply and everybody chuckled.

^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^

The ride to the Third Street Chinese place was a short one. Clare rode with Eli in Morty and Natalie and I took her ancient, blue car. Natalie and I spent the whole ride over debating about the Dead Hand's best song again. Since I'd made her that mix, Natalie had relented and admitted that the early stuff was pretty good but she stuck by 'Take Me Home' being her favorite song.

"How can you like 'Take Me Home' over 'Kill Tony'?" I asked her incredulously, as she pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant and parked behind Morty.

"It's their best work—Listen to the bass line again. Then you'll get what I mean," she told me as we were getting out of the car.

"I _play_ bass," I said. "And I still think 'Kill Tony' has the sickest bass line _and_ drum beat ever written…And the lyrics? They don't get better than 'Kill Tony'".

"I see you two had fun on the way over," said Eli, laughing as he and Clare joined us in front of the restaurant.

"Adam's trying to convince me that 'Kill Tony' is a better song than 'Take Me Home'" Natalie explained, as our group made our way inside the restaurant.

I could see why it was rumored to be haunted, the minute we stepped foot in the place. It was dimly lit and the walls were covered with silk, a blood red color. All the doorways were covered with drapes of various colors and creepy cat faces looked out at us from every corner. This place gave me the creeps, I had to force myself to focus back on the conversation.

"But 'Kill Tony' _is_ the best Dead Hand song," Eli was saying. "Why would anyone need convincing?" Natalie laughed, then opened her mouth to retaliate but was interrupted before she could.

"Table for four?" said a young lady with sleek black hair who had just appeared behind the hostesses table.

"Yes, please," said Clare, always the polite one.

"Five minutes," The lady said, disappearing behind a red curtain hanging in a doorway.

"You can't tell me 'Take Me Home' has a catchier riff than 'Kill Tony'…" I began again, when someone interrupted _me_.

"Gracie?" If I hadn't been facing the direction of the voice, I probably wouldn't even have thought someone was calling me. I didn't ever think of myself as 'Gracie' anymore. But the face that accompanied it was so familiar to me, that it was impossible to miss. "Gracie, is that you?"

"Grams?" I said, horrified.

"I thought you weren't coming, Gracie" she told me, just as my mother and Drew appeared by her side.

"I—I—I'm not…I…" I didn't know what to say, is what. I was so horrified, so paralyzed.

"Gracie?" Grams asked. I wished she'd stop saying my girl's name. My eyes darted towards Natalie, who was looked at me puzzled. Just then, the hostess with the sleek, black hair reappeared holding four menus.

"Table for four?" she called.

"Come on, Natalie," said Clare quickly, putting her hand on Natalie's shoulder and leading her away. "Let's go save the table". They followed the hostess behind some yellow curtains and were gone. _Thank the lord for Clare Edwards,_ I thought.

"Gracie?" Grams said again, waiting for a response. "I barely recognized you, why are you dressed that way?"

"I—I—" I was still completely speechless.

"Elijah Goldsworthy, ma'am," said Eli, stepping forward. "I'm a friend of…err—Gracie's". He held his hand out to shake.

Grams shook Eli's hand but looked him up and down and looked as though she didn't really approve of the clothes he was wearing or the 'guyliner' on his face.

"It's very nice to meet you, ma'am," said Eli, being as polite as I've ever seen him. "Gracie's told me so much about you…You live in Windsor, she says. Heard the weather is great this time of year…" Eli babbled on expertly.

"Yes…" said Grams, still looking suspicious. My eyes flicked towards my mom's face—She stood there, equally paralyzed with fear.

"Wow, Gracie," said Drew, stepping forward at last. "It's so nice of you to drop by to see Grams even though you're on your way to…" he paused for a moment, then his face lit up. "…A costume party…You're on your way to a costume party with err—Elijah, here".

Grams' face. "Oh, how nice," she said, smiling.

"Wouldn't be caught in these clothes any other way," said Eli, chuckling lightly in a very un-Eli-ish way. "I look like a darn hooligan".

"Yep," I said finally, hoping I was selling it too. "That's…that's why I'm dressed like this" My voice involuntarily getting higher, Grams didn't seem to notice.

"So you've been to Windsor, Elijah?" Grams asked Eli, giving him one of her warm smiles. She seemed to warm up to him much more now that she thought he didn't always dress like this.

"Never been, ma'am, no," said 'Elijah'. "Always wanted to".

"You should come with Gracie and Andrew, next time they come visit," Grams suggested.

"I'd be honored, ma'am," said Eli, bowing slightly like he was talking to the queen or something.

"Well, we should go," said Drew. "Don't want you to miss your train, Grams".

"You're right," Grams agreed.

"Bye, Grams," I said, leaning in and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye, Gracie," she said, smiling. "It was very nice to meet you, Elijah," she added. "Lovely costumes, both you".

I let out a loud, nervous laugh.

"Thanks," I said but it came out hoarse—my throat probably dry from panic. "Bye, now!" I called, as they made their way outside. Through the open door, I saw my dad bringing the car around, catching sight of my mother's nervous face and shooting her a confused look. The door closed before I could see anything else.

I let out a huge sigh and felt faint—I'm surprised that's all…I honestly thought I might go into cardiac arrest.

"You okay, man?" Eli asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I nodded because I didn't think I had the strength to say anything just yet. "C'mon, let's go," he said, leading me through the yellow curtain with his hand on his shoulder.

When we passed the curtain, the smell of orange chicken and various other dishes wafted through the air, pulling me out of my shock long enough for me to thank Eli.

"Thanks, man," I croacked. "You really saved my butt out there".

"No problem, dude. You would've done the same for me," he said, "And besides, Drew was the real rockstar…Costume party, classic". I knew he was making light of the situation to make me feel better and I couldn't express how much I appreciated it.

"You know she probably thinks you're my boyfriend," I joked, trying to help change the mood. Eli chuckled, ruffling my beanie over my hair.

We found Clare and Natalie cramped in the very back of the dark room, near a door that kept opening every once in a while, hitting the back of Natalie's chair.

"Ah, the best table in the house," said Eli. "They obviously knew you were with me". I laughed, so did Natalie and Clare—Clare a little too much.

"Do you want me to take that seat?" I offered to Natalie.

"Not a chance, said Natalie, laughing. "I would never do that to you". I opened my mouth to tell her I didn't mind but she shot me a 'shut up and take a seat' look that made me close it up. As she did so, the door swung open and knocked her around a bit on her chair.

Dinner passed for the rest of the evening without consequence. I remained silent for a bit in the beginning, still getting over what had happened but by mid-meal, I was back to joking around and laughing along with everybody else.

But even then, I had the looming feeling that some damage was already done.

It was after the meal, when Natalie was driving me back to my house, when she asked me the question—The question I knew was coming. The question I was dreading.

"Why did your grandmother call you 'Gracie'?" she asked me. Her tone wasn't accusatory, it wasn't mean. It was just a casual question—A very 'just wondering' vibe accompanied it.

At that moment, I knew I had a choice. I could tell her my secret, admit to her that I was born in a girl's body, explain it to her and pray that she'd understand.

Or I could keep doing what I was doing—Making up excuses, hiding the truth, lying.

A more sensible, less selfish person, would've chosen the former. But I was just getting to know her, it wouldn't be fair to lose her just yet.

"Funny story," I said, laughing nervously. I thought hard for a moment before coming up with the best thing I could on such short notice. "It's a…It's a family nickname," I said, firmly.

"A family nickname?"

"Yep," I assured her. "When…When I was…young," I was really pulling this out of the air now. "I couldn't say the word 'grandson'…So whenever I was with my grandma, I'd say I was her 'Gracie'…And it just sort of…stuck". I shut my eyes tight, bracing myself as I finished my ridiculous story, knowing she would see right through it.

"Cool," was all she said.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, why?" she said.

"I dunno," I told her, laughing nervously. "I thought you'd think it was stupid".

"I don't think it's stupid to be close to your family," she told me earnestly. "I think it's nice that you're all so close". One thing I picked up about Natalie is she never liked feeling sorry for herself or playing the victim but something in her voice seemed sad to me even though I could tell she was trying very hard to hide it.

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_A/N: What did you think? Hope y'all liked it. If you did, review! review! and review! Who knows, you might even get a little sneak peak..._

_and remember, if you want a sneak peak, don't review anonymously or with a name that doesn't have a link to a profile otherwise I can't PM you the preview...If you don't have an account, then send me your email or something, that way I can still send you a preview. I will send everyone who reviews a sneak peak of the next chapter...I did this time ('cept for the last few people who reviewed...I wrote you guys a chapter instead haha). So, yeah. My point is: Reviews = previews! _

xx,

Holly :)


	12. CHAPTER TWELVE: Stood Up Part I

**CHAPTER TWELVE: THE KISS PART 1**

I laid in bed that night, after the close call with Grams, but I couldn't sleep. I kept replaying the horror over again, like sick movie going on and on in my head.

I started to get physically sick to my stomach as my thoughts shifted to the scene in the car between Natalie and I. I thought about how I had blatantly lied to her when she asked me why Grams had called me 'Gracie'.

I know you're probably asking yourself why I am just starting to care; After all, I'd been keeping my secret from Natalie for a little under a month now—Why start caring now?

All I can say is that this time, something's changed. I'd never actually lied to her before…Well, I'd lied through ambiguity; I'd lied through omission. But never outright—this was a new low.

I'd never actually told her why it was I 'rejected' her hug but I didn't make up some crackpot story either.

I didn't make up a stupid excuse for why I was coming out of the handicapped washroom, I just ignored the question and changed the subject.

I'd never explained why Fitz and Owen bullied me so bad; Instead, I let her assume whatever she wanted to.

But earlier this evening, in her car, I didn't just change the subject, I didn't leave it open ended, I didn't let her interpret the situation the way she wanted—I lied. I blatantly lied to her, period. I told her something that wasn't even a little bit true.

Now, hours later, as I toss and turn in my bed, trying to get to sleep, it's weighing down my conscience like a feather being tied to a rock and thrown into a raging, angry ocean.

After a few more minutes of restless turning, I decided I couldn't take it anymore—I had to get up and walk around or something, to blow off some steam before I went insane.

Pushing a large pile of comic books and an empty, old bag of chips on my nightstand aside, I rummaged around in the topmost drawer. I battled my way through coins, old little green army men and gum wrappers before I found what I was searching for. I clutched it tightly in my hand and made my way downstairs to look for the second puzzle piece.

As I got downstairs, I knew exactly where I was headed, making my way to the downstairs hallway bathroom. Flicking on the light, I closed the door behind me and immediately opened the first drawer I saw, quickly located what I was looking for—My mom was always leaving them around. Pulling what I needed out of the drawer, I held it in my other hand, closing my fist around it so tight, my knuckles turned white.

I turned my attention towards my reflection in the bathroom mirror, remembering how happy I was last time I was in here, checking myself out when Drew brought me the miracle binder. All the traces of that happy boy were gone at the moment—Now, the dim, florescent bathroom light coupled with the tired, guilty look in my eyes and my disheveled hair were proof of my restlessness and made me look like a ghost.

I took a deep breath, brought both my hands up and opened my palms revealing the contents of my hands—A striped blue and red lighter and one of my mom's plastic and metal hairclips.

My heart raced at the sight of the two familiar objects. I flicked the flame on the lighter and held it up close in front of my face. My heavy breaths made the flame dance, mesmerizing my eyes.

_I was boiling over with restless energy, I had to get rid of it—This was the only way I knew how._

I tore my eyes away from the dancing flame long enough to drag my gaze to my other hand; I fingered the clip, moving it around in my palm, as though it was dancing along with the flame.

I closed my eyes tightly, clenching my jaw, a shallow breath escaping from my lungs.

"_Adam!"_ Clare's voice echoed in my head, a distant memory_. "You don't have to change who you are, everyone else does"._

Well, that wasn't the issue anymore, was it? What was Clare's answer when you wanted to change yourself into something you _were_? What was Drew's brilliant solution for this dilemma? How would Eli cleverly talk me out my own biological make up? Where would my mother have me hide until I became the gender I was meant to be?

_Clare._

_Drew._

_Eli._

_Mom._

I thought of all the people who loved me—All the people who would be really upset if they knew I was thinking about hurting myself again.

My eyes snapped open. Sometime during my reverie, my grip on the lighter had loosened and the flame had extinguished.

_"We've all got a sob story, Adam…"_ came another voice, drifting through my mind, different than the others_. "It's how we deal with it that sets up apart from each other"._

_Natalie._

I thought about how her bright, green eyes were so earnest when she'd said this. I thought of how brave she was always being, determined to a fault not to feel sorry for herself.

That's when I knew, regardless of whether Natalie would accept me or not if she knew the truth about me, she would never, ever approve of what I'd done to myself in the past and was considering doing again now.

Hurting myself wasn't the answer, I finally realized for good. I resolved never to burn myself again…

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Are you okay, Adam?" Natalie asked me. The bell signaling the end of English had just rung. Clare had rushed out for an emergency yearbook meeting but Natalie was standing by my desk, waiting for me to pack up my books.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, doing my best imitation of a chipper, 'fine' voice.

"You seemed really out of it the whole period," she said, studying my face.

"Just a little tired, that's all," I told her, avoiding her gaze. We were walking down the hallway in silence when I realized the time had come…

I had been thinking about it, planning, all morning but now that I was faced with the perfect opportunity, I decided it was best to just rip the bandage off. I was going to tell her today, after school.

"Do you want to grab some coffee or something with me at the Dot after school?" I asked quickly, before I could chicken out. Natalie looked at me, obviously taken aback.

"Yeah, sure," she said a little breathelessly, nodding, clutching her books tighter to her chest. "I'd like that".

"Okay," I declared, incredibly pleased with myself. "I'll meet you there?"

"Sounds good," she said, obviously amused by the broad grin on my face. We came to a fork in the hall. "I'm going this way," she added, gesturing towards the right.

"My class is that way," I said, pointing the opposite direction towards remedial gym.

"I'll see you at the Dot then," she said. I thought I saw her blush for a second but she turned her face away before I could tell for sure.

"Yeah, see you then," I said. Feeling bold, I took a step forward and gave her a hug.

"Freaks!" someone pretended to cough nearby. I didn't need to look to see who it was, that much is true. But sure enough, Natalie and I broke apart just in time to see Bianca strutting by with a smirk.

Ignoring it like I always did, I opened my mouth to say Bye to Natalie but she interrupted me.

"Hey Chia-Pet," she called after Bianca fiercely. "Why don't you just go to do your hair or something?"

Bianca spun around and glared daggers at Natalie, who was scowling right back. Just then a teacher walked by so neither of them could take it much farther.

"I'll see you after school, Adam," said Natalie, still staring defiantly at Bianca and with that, turned and started down the hallway to her class.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^

As after school loomed closer and closer, I couldn't help but begin to dread deciding to tell Natalie the truth. I mean, really what good would it do? Did she really need to know?

"I think it's a great idea," Clare declared, as her, Eli and I walked out of our afternoon math class. "It's about time you told her".

I looked at Eli, waiting for his two cents but he seemed unsure, or else, unwilling to give it.

"It's a tricky situation…" was all he said, his tone thoughtful.

"It'll be hard but you have to do it," Clare insisted. "If you want your relationship to progress any further, she has to know. You have to let her make that decision".

For moral support, they walked me as far as the street corner across from the Dot.

"You can do it," Clare assured me, giving me a encouraging smile.

"I've said it once, and I'll say it again," Eli told me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "You're one brave warrior. She'll accept you in time". Then he added as an afterthought, "And if she doesn't, then she's not worthy and there are plenty of other fish in the sea".

The thought made my heart sink. Interpreting the look on my face, Clare said, "Eli!" Shooting him a 'shut up' look and hitting him on the chest with the back of her hand.

"Thanks guys," I choked out, my throat seemed to be closing up. Clare and Eli waved goodbye to me as they began to make their way back toward Degrassi.

"Let us know how it goes," Clared called over her shoulder. I lifted my hand up but couldn't muster the energy to wave back. I turned back towards the Dot.

From where I was standing, I had a clear view of the inside thanks to the large glass windows. I could see Natalie, seated at a table in the middle. She looked very pretty in that light—It made her hair look brilliantly red and turned her skin a creamy color…

I felt sick…And not even because I was being sappy about the freaking lights…I couldn't do it. There was no way I could go through with it…I was chickening out. Nothing good could come of this.

Decidedly, I ducked into the alley next to the Dot and pulled out my cell to call Drew and ask him to pick me up.


	13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN:  Stood Up Part II

Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN

_A/N: Who am I kidding? You're probably going to skip over this author's note anyway-I can cut the suspense with a knife! All I can say is: REVIEW when you're done! They make me update sooner and make me feel warm and fuzzy! (Plus, previews!)_

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**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: STOOD UP PART 2**

"I'm sorry, Dude, I can't," Drew told me over the phone. I heard a girlish giggle in the background.

"Why not?" I demanded, but I already knew the answer.

"I'm with Alli," he mumbled.

"That's what I figured," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Give me 40 minutes?" Drew asked. "I'll come get you then".

"Fine," I relented, "I'm at the Dot now but I'll meet you in the parking lot at Degrassi".

"Sounds good, man," said Drew but another giggle in the background told me he was really listening.

"Drew?"

"Yeah, yeah—40 minutes, you got it," Drew told me distractedly.

"Andr-!"

_Click._

"Urgh!" I cried out loud. _Guys with girlfriends suck,_ I thought bitterly. With that, I began my walk back to Degrassi, glancing over my shoulder only once—Through the glass window I could see Natalie checking her watch. Swallowing the stuck feeling in my throat, a mixture of guilt and regret, I faced forward once again and kept walking.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

An hour and a half later, I was still at Degrassi, sitting on a bench over looking the parking lot. _SURPRISE!_ …Drew was late.

Eventually, I pulled out a comic and, fighting back the pain in my chest that lingered from standing up Natalie, I tried to read it.

I kept looking up every few minutes to see if Drew was pulling into the parking lot but every time I looked up, the parking lot seemed to become emptier and emptier until there were only a few cars left. Throwing my comic down next to me in frustration, I checked my watch again—_Where was Drew?_ I pulled out my phone out to call him, ready to give him a piece of my mind, but I stopped dead at the sight of someone entering the parking lot on foot.

It was Natalie—_What was she doing here?_ I scanned the parking lot, looking at each of the few cars left; Sure enough, her ancient blue car was poking out from behind a large green van— It mso ostly obstructed by the van, so I hadn't noticed it before.

As quickly as I could, I got up and grabbed my stuff, ducking behind a large tree that was near the bench, to give myself some time to think clearly before she spotted me. I knew I was being a spaz but I couldn't face her right away.

She was close enough that I could immediately discern that she was upset. She was stooped over her ancient, blue car, manually unlocking the passenger door. The zipper of the backpack slung over her shoulder was open, a few papers sliding out every time she made a sudden movement, jerking the key around in the lock.

A painful pang grew in my chest as I watched her struggle. Perhaps I'd handled it all wrong? Maybe I should made up an excuse about why I couldn't meet instead of just leaving her there…But no, that wasn't an option...was it?—Because that would mean I'd have to lie to her again, and wasn't the whole point of calling her there to tell her the truth? That seemed a tad counter productive.

I watched as she managed to get the passenger's door open and shoved her back onto the seat, bending down she picked up the stray papers that had escaped.

As she leaned into the side of the car to adjust her stuff, I knew I had to say something to her. I had to make it right. My heart pounding hard against my chest, I stepped out from behind the tree and, breathing unevenly, made my way towards her.

She couldn't see me yet; slamming the passenger door, Natalie noticed a stray piece of paper on the floor she'd neglected to pick up. She bowed to pick it up and by the time she had straightened up, I was standing in front of her.

"Natalie?" I said, my voice much softer than I'd intended.

"Adam!" She responded, as she came up—very surprised.

"Natalie, I—"

"I'm glad you're okay," she said genuinely, speaking over my attempt to apologize.

"What?" I asked, taken aback and thoroughly perplexed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, when you didn't show up after almost two hours," Natalie explained, as though it was obvious. "I was worried that _something _had happened to you".

_By something_, I knew she'd had Fitz and Owen in mind.

"No, it's nothing like that," I told her, but regretted it a minute later. Her face had changed, and not for the better, as she seemed to pick up on the fact that she'd been stood up. The look on her face made the pain in my chest swell—Why was she so nice? Most people would have jumped to that conclusion right away. But not Natalie, she had thought better of me. This made me feel even worse.

"I should go," she mumbled, avoiding my eyes. "I don't want to keep you away from your stuff". The way she said it wasn't mean, it was hurt—That much I could tell.

"Natalie, wait—!" I said, as she went around to the driver's side. "I can explain…" Though I knew I couldn't. Nevertheless, this made Natalie stop in her tracks.

"Explain what, Adam?" she asked reasonable, raising her eyebrows and bringing her right arm up in a half-shrug. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks glowed pink—but I wasn't sure why.

I opened my mouth to respond but of course, what could I say? I couldn't really explain...And Natalie seemed to figure as much.

"That's what I thought," she said, but the way she said it suggested that she was hoping she was wrong.

"Wait!" I said again desperately, coming around to her side.

"I'm tired of waiting, Adam," she told me earnestly, totally calm. Natalie wasn't one for dramatics.

"Just hold on," I pleaded, trying to muster the courage—For what? I don't know…I'm knew I could tell her the truth; Not now.

"I can't," Natalie said, looking me in the eyes—I could tell she was being honest. "That's what I've been doing for the last month. Waiting, and holding on—Hoping that you would start to make sense but you don't, Adam. You just don't—I can't figure you out".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, one minute—You're being super nice and doing thoughtful things…and the next, you're pushing me away. After that, like nothing happened, you're friendly and hug me again then you stand me up after you asked me to hang out in the first place…I just don't understand. I thought if I hung around long enough, it wouldn't become clear. But it hasn't, it's gotten worse. I don't know—Maybe I'm an idiot but I just don't get it".

It hurt me that Natalie was blaming herself for my erratic behavior. What made it even worse is the way she was telling me all this. Her tone was honest, level-headed, and completely reasonable to boot. I wish she'd yell at me, call me names, get angry, something to make me feel like I deserved what was coming to me. Instead, she was unintentionally killing me with kindness.

"If you don't like me, Adam," she said finally. "Just_ tell_ me". She was looking at me in the eyes, with an expression pleading for the truth-The one thing I couldn't give her.

"What? How could you-?" I asked, taken aback by her conclusion—How could she think I didn't like her? Just then, I realized there was one truth I could tell her and it was perhaps the most honest one of all. "I _do_ like you," I said.

"What?" said Natalie sounding surprised, and suddenly she was blushing hard.

"I do like you," I said breathlessly, taking a step towards her. I felt my mouth tilt into a crooked smile. "I like you". It felt good to finally say it aloud.

"Y-you do?"

"Mhm," I assured her, taking yet another step forward. This time, she moved too—Taking a step backward. I heard a little thud, which told me her back had hit the car. "I do," I said, I felt myself inching even closer, as though it was out of my control-Magnetic pull is the only way I can think to describe it.

I heard her draw in a breath.

"I like you too," she said quietly, looking up at me. Her eyelashes fluttered involuntarily. Our faces were quite close now. All I'd have to do was lean in a little further…

As this thought was running through my brain, my body seemed to think it was time for more action. I brought my hand up, touching her cheek first, then placing a strand of loose hair behind her ear. I felt Natalie tense up under my fingers.

_This is just like one of those sappy, romance movies my mom likes, _I thought. Normally, the people in the movies made me gag but I couldn't bring myself to think _this_ was ridiculous as I always did when my mom forced Drew and me to watch those movies with her. I found I liked the way Natalie felt in such close proximity to me.

Right that second I decided what I was going to do and before I could even come up with the courage to do it, I found myself closing the gap between our lips as fast as I could.

Our lips crashed together, and for a second, I forgot all about the fact that I was lying to her, and the fact that this was wrong as long as she didn't know. As Natalie and I pressed closer to together against the car in the empty parking lot, I told myself I'd have plenty of time to worry about all of that later-For now I'd just enjoy this moment…

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_A/N: Oh my-REVIEW! You will get a preview as long as I have a way to get it to you-Be it PM or email or carrier pigeon, if you have one (in which case, you rule)._

_P.S. I hope you guys liked these twin chapters-I spent the majority of my History class writing the first part instead taking notes as I should have been. Plus, I wrote the second part twice because as I was posting it, the stupid library internet cut off and I lost all of it...So hope you enjoyed it-Stay tuned for previews and new chapters asap!_


	14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Gracie

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Degrassi characters, just Natalie

_A/N: Hey guys! I worked long and hard on this chapter-I believe it's the longest one yet :] And I believe it maybe even 'Go There' a little bit teehee._

_So I'll stop boring you with my useless talk because I'm sure you guys are as eager to read it as I am for you to read it! But first I got to say: Wow, you guys! 21 reviews for last chapter(s)? Amazing! Thanks so much! I'd also like to say I apologize in advance if there are any glaring grammar/spelling mistakes-I've read it over about once but am too excited for you to read it to be able to do it properly-If there are any that are too bad, I'll delete, fix it and repost it but I don't think there's anything too bad._

R & R!

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**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: GRACIE**

Giving up on the idea that Drew would ever come for me, Natalie drove me home that evening after our kiss. The car ride was silent, but full of little sideways glances at her when I thought she wasn't looking.

"See you tomorrow," she said as she pulled into my driveway. Even in the dimming light of the dusk I could see her blush. She seemed to notice too because she quickly looked away.

"Bye," I said, smiling to myself. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay right here with her, but I knew I couldn't. I reluctantly dragged myself out of the car and waited in the driveway as she backed up, waving at her like an idiot. It wasn't until she disappeared around the corner onto the main street that I went into the house.

"Hey, I was just coming to get you," said Drew, appearing in the entrance hall about the same time as I came through the front door, indicating the car keys in his hand.

"Yeah…you're only about—" I pretended to check my watch, "—Two and a half hours late," I said sarcastically but, given recent events I could hardly be angry.

"Sorry, dude…Got held up," Drew told me.

"With Alli?" I asked.

"Yeah…"

"Of course," I said, rolling my eyes and laughing.

"I bet your attitude towards Alli will change once I tell you what she told me…" said Drew in a song-song voice.

"Enlighten me," I said. "What pearl of wisdom has Alli bestowed upon you this time? Never wear white leather pants after Labor Day? Never wear white leather pants ever?"

"Alli has it on good authority—and by that I mean, it came straight from the horse's mouth—that your little friend Natalie, has a thing for you," said Drew beaming with pride. "Natalie told her a couple of weeks ago at girls' night with Clare and Alli".

I laughed, due of the look on Drew's face, I almost didn't have the heart to tell him this wasn't exactly news to me—I said 'almost'.

"Thanks man but you're about two hours too late," I said, unable to wipe the grin off my face at the very thought.

"Yeah, I know—We've been over this, I'm sorry," said Drew irritable.

"No, no, I mean—I know she likes me," I told him happily. "Or at least I think so…" _You don't kiss people who don't like, do you?_ I wasn't exactly an expert.

"How?"

I figured it would be easiest to start the beginning. So I did, telling him everything that had happened today—Right down to the kiss.

"All right, man!" said Drew, giving me a high-five. Of course, I didn't expect anything less. Drew was all about girls and conquests. I, on the other hand, began to think about how in the world I was going to tell Natalie my secret now…somehow I started to think I'd made things more difficult for myself by kissing her before she knew.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^

I woke up the next morning, with an unpleasant feeling. Upon entering the bathroom, I realized that, overnight, I'd received my monthly subscription to a magazine that I didn't want—If you catch my drift. One that I couldn't unsubscribe from now matter how much I wanted to?

Now, I know most girls resent getting this 'gift' (I can't even say the word…) but for me, it's a _horrific _experience. This is not something that should happen to dudes—It just shouldn't. Most girls think it's only a little blood; to me it looks like a crime scene. Like I said—_Horrific._

All I'll say on the subject is that I took care of it with, as Clare so expertly put it, some feminine hygiene products. Grudgingly stuffing some a small compartment of my backpack, I was done and don't want to talk about it anymore…

When I got to school the that morning, my nerves were starting to get the better of me—I was still stoked about the kiss with Natalie but I couldn't stop thinking about telling her my secret. That was it, I knew I had to…now. I made a deal the minute my lips touched hers and I had to make good on it.

Unfortunately, I had no idea how the heck I was supposed to. 'Hey, Natalie great kiss yesterday—By the way, I'm transgendered. Yep, that's right I've got the body of a girl' …Somehow I didn't see that going over so well.

Instead, I decided to seek out the advice of the most sensible person I know. I found Clare in a deserted hallway leaning against her locker, a heavy textbook propped open against her arm.

"Geez, Clare—You should really put more effort into your school work. You're such a slacker," I joked, going up to her.

Clare looked up, smiling.

"Silly me," she said, fluttering her eyelashes exaggeratedly. "So how'd it go yesterday?"

_Man, she doesn't beat around the bush, does she?_

"Gooooooooood," I said, grimacing and avoiding her eyes.

"So you told her?" asked Clare, trying to catch my eye. "She knows?"

"Not exactly…" I said slowly.

"What happened?"

"We kinda…sorta…Kissed?" It sounded like a question. I looked at her nervously, finishing with a guilty smile on my face.

"Adam!" exclaimed Clare, almost dropping her book.

"I know, I know," I said quickly. "I'm a horrible person". She sighed loudly, closing her book and putting it back into her locker.

"You're not a horrible person," she said calmly but her voice was flecked with worry. "But you are digging yourself a pretty deep hole".

"I know," I whined, looking to the ceiling and scratching the back of my neck.

"You have to tell her," Clare said firmly, stating the obvious.

"No shit, Sherlock—That's why I came to find you," I explained. "…I don't know how".

"You told Eli and me, remember?" she said. "That wasn't hard was it?"

"At first, it was..But then you guys were cool with it," I told her. "And besides, you guys are my buds…With Natalie, it's a little different". Clare thought about it for a moment.

"I—I don't think there's a right and wrong way anymore," she said slowly. "You should have been honest with her from the beginning".

"So what do I tell her?"

"The truth…?" Offered Clare, and her expression told me that was all she got.

Just then, I spotted Natalie walking towards us.

"Hey Adam, Clare," she said, smiling. She looked really happy and I must admit, seeing her made me feel very happy too.

"Hey Natalie," said Clare, smiling back. "I—uh—Have to go…do something for yearbook. "It's an emergency," she said quickly. "I'll see you guys later". With that, she walked quickly down the hall and ducked into a nearby classroom.

_Thanks for the moral support, Clare, _I thought.

"She _does_ realize the yearbook room is on the other side of the school, right?" said Natalie, amused, watching Clare go.

"Maybe the emergency was that she doesn't know where the yearbook room is," I joked. Natalie looked back at me. Our eyes really locking for the first time since she'd arrived.

"Hi," she said, her tone changing—she glanced down shyly.

"Hi," I said, my voice as breathless as hers. Forgetting all about the trouble I was in, I boldly took her hand and squeezed. Natalie looked away again and laughed under her breath. This made me feel like I had to kiss her again—So I did.

I don't know how long we stood there kissing the empty hallway but at one point Natalie broke away and said,

"We're going to be late for class". I was so happy with her right then, I'm pretty sure I didn't care but I knew we had to stop. It was very important that I tell her the truth…right now.

"Natalie, I have something to tell you something," I said my voice shaking involuntarily. My heart racing the hardest it has ever raced in my life—I wouldn't be surprised if I had some internal bruising.

"Okay?" she said, furrowing her eyebrows, obviously perplexed by my sudden change in behavior.

"I don't want you to freak out—" I continued with my disclaimer. "Just try to listen and understand".

"Adam, you can tell me anything," she said, squeezing my hand. I smiled nervously._ I sure hope so,_ I thought. I kissed her one more time, in case it would be the last time she wanted to have anything to do with me—I admit I was preparing for the worst. I straightened up, clearing my throat.

"Natalie, I'm—"

"No way!" guffawed a stupid voice. Both surprised, Natalie and I turned to the source of the voice and came face to face with Fitz, Owen and Bianca standing a little ways away down the hall. They were coming towards us.

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Why now?_ Then it occurred to me, _what had they seen?_

Quickly, I dropped Natalie's hand and took a big step to the side, away from her. She was looked at me with a confused expression on her face—I turned away swiftly. It might have been a rude thing to do but I had to protect her…If these bullies found out she liked me, they'd never let her live it down.

Meanwhile, Fitz, Owen and Bianca had reached us. Fitz and Owen were falling all over each other laughing and Bianca stood with her hands on her hips, smirking evilly.

"See?" she said, giving a little chuckle. "I told you I saw the tranny making out with someone back here".

"This is priceless!" cried Owen, still howling with laughter.

"I didn't know we had any lesbians at Degrassi," said Fitz tauntingly. "…Besides _my man_ over there". He gestured towards me.

"She's new," spat Bianca, as though it was an insult.

"That makes sense," sneered Owen. "She doesn't know what a freak she's dealing with yet…As if the being a tranny part wasn't enough of a give away".

"Let's just go, Natalie," I said trying to push past Owen but Fitz stepped forward too, cornering us with our backs to the lockers. The pair began howling with laughter. I had to get us out of here before the situation got worse. But the minute Natalie opened her mouth, I knew it was too late.

"If you guys are going to be asses, you might want to try making some sense," Natalie shot back viciously. My stomach dropped—By fighting back, Natalie had started something that I didn't want Fitz, Owen and Bianca to finish. All three of the bullies' eyes fell on me, matching wicked smiles coloring all of their faces simultaneously. _Nothing good could come of this._

"She doesn't know?" exclaimed Bianca, raising her eyebrows.

"This just keeps getting back and better!" cried Owen.

"Know what?" demanded Natalie, her gaze shifting between Bianca and Owen.

"You're little _boy_friend," said Bianca, as though she was talking to a little kid. "_Isn't a boy_".

Natalie turned to me.

"Adam, what're they talking about?" she asked, laughing nervously as though this was all a big joke and she was just waiting for the punch line.

"I—I—I was gonna—I didn't know how—" I stammered, unable to finish a complete sentence. I felt my face turn red.

"Need proof, Red?" asked Fitz. Owen came up and grabbed me from behind while Fitz advanced on me, ripping my bag off my shoulder. Tearin the zipper open, he overturned it, shaking it in the air and allowing all the contents to fall out and scatter everywhere—When I say _all_ the contents, I mean _all the contents_…

To my horror, I watched as, along with my books, pens and papers, _something else_ rolled out as well…That's right, my 'feminine hygiene products'. I tried to lung for them, but Owen, who was still holding me in place, grabbed onto me tighter. I turned my head towards Natalie to see her reaction and was surprised by what I saw.

Natalie just blinked, standing there—Her face gave no indication of her emotion. She looked at Fitz straight on; I could see her jaw clenched tightly.

"Need more proof? No problem," he said gleefully. "Strip!" He barked at me.

My heart began racing even faster, if that is possible. I crossed my arms tightly over my shirt—_No way was this happening. In a second I would wake up and find myself in my bed—this is just a nightmare._

"Looks like you need some help there, bud," said Owen, holding my arms at my sides. "Bee?" Bianca stepped forward.

"No, stop!" I said, struggling in Owen's death grip but it was no use. Bianca ripping open my flannel shirt with flourish. And there _they _were. Even in my new binder, they were obvious without a shirt to cover them up fully. "G'roff me!" I yelled through clenched teeth, trying to fight again.

"Let him go!" cried Natalie, glaring at Owen.

"Are you conviced yet, Red?" asked Fitz, stepping in front of me and Owen, blocking Natalie's path.

Natalie said nothing, she just glared at him, defiantly emotionless beyond the daggers she was shooting him. "No?" he said, circling around her once like she was pray, then going to stand behind her. "Ever wondered why _he _was using the handicap washroom?" he asked her, leaning into her ear. He said the word 'he' like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Shut up," was all she responded.

"Wow, _Gracie_," guffawed Owen. "I guess you found someone who doesn't mind your freakiness".

I was watching Natalie's face as Owen said this. The second he called me 'Gracie', her façade crumbled—I watched, helpless, as her face fell. She looked at me, eyes wide—Blinking a few times in quick succession, I saw she was fighting back tears. That's when I knew she finally cracked.

How ironic was it that the one real lie I told her, would be the one that got to her? Then again, I suppose it made a little sense. I saw the hurt fill up her eyes and felt like I was being stabbed in the heart repeatedly.

It was just then that the first bell rang, signaling the beginning of first period and people began to file into the hallway. I got one last look at Natalie's pretty face screwed up in pain before a rush of people surrounded us and she disappeared into the crowd. I became vaguely aware that Owen had let go of me and that he, Bianca and Fitz had also disappeared. I heard the sound of the contents of my bag being crushed by the sea of people, treading all over it but the sound didn't register.

I just stood there, unable to move; letting myself be engulfed by the crowd as they made their way around me.

* * *

_A/N: GAH! I hope you guys liked it! It's def the most dramatic chapter yet haha!_

_I haven't started writing the next chapter yet but, if you review, I'll send the the first page as soon as it's done. Until then R & R!_

_xx,_

_Holly_


	15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Aftermath

Disclaimer: Not mine!

_A/N: Hey you guys! I'm so sorry it's taken me longer than usual to update. Normally, I pride myself on updating daily but my internet has been totally spazzy, making it absolute impossible to get online. On top of that, my computer itself is on it's last leg and was refusing to open a word Document. Anyway, I think I've got it all fixed up now so we should be back in business. So yeah, here's Chapter 15. If all goes according to plan, this is going to be the third to last chapter which means there's only two chapters left of the story. Don't worry though because I expect they'll be long and eventful._

_I'm sure you guys are eager to read this chapter so I won't bore you any longer with a long beginning author's note. There will be more at the bottom though :]_

_Happy reading!_

* * *

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: AFTERMATH**

"Adam!" said a distant voice. "Oh my god! Are you okay?" I blinked; Clare's and Eli's faces came into focus. Then so did everything else.

I was sitting on the floor, slumped against the lockers. My stuff was scattered all around me…Books, pens, papers, 'feminine hygiene producsts' and a couple of comic books—They were all disheveled, broken and beat up from getting trampled on by all my passing peers. Now the hallway was deserted once more save for Clare, Eli and myself.

"I think it's dead," said Eli solemnly, as he picked up one of the comic books and the front cover fell off, soon followed by a couple of the inside pages.

"What happened?" said Clare, her voice shaking. She took my beanie from off where it sat, perched on my shoulder. My flannel shirt was still torn open so I grabbed the two sides and held them closed with my hands, holding on so tightly my knuckles were turning white. I felt some moisture leaking from my eyes and shut them tight in a vain attempt to hold them in but the tears fell anyway.

_Had that just happened? Or had it all been some sick dream? How long had I been sitting here?_

"We've got to get him home," I heard Clare say.

"No," I said, the word getting stuck in my throat. I didn't want Drew or my mom to find out about this—They would pop a gasket.

"We'll take him to my house," said Eli firmly, his voice showed no sign of his usual joking tone. "My dad's out of town". Clare bend down and began pilling all my stuff into my backpack while Eli pulled by beanie back over my head and zipped up my hoodie to cover my torn shirt. Then, together, they lifted me up and walked me all the way out to parking lot and piled me into Morty.

On the ride over to Eli's, I was still in complete shock. I sat with my head against the window, as Clare and Eli spoke to each other in whispered tones. They thought I didn't notice when they kept stealing worried glances at me.

I couldn't believe they were ditching school for me…Well, I couldn't believe _Clare_ was ditching school for me. Clare _never_ ditched; Eli, on the other hand, was far more inclined.

Once we were inside Eli's house, Clare immediately went to fix me something to eat while Eli led me to the bathroom with a change of clothes. I didn't even need to ask—He somehow knew I was dying to get out of these clothes. In the bathroom, I splashed some water on my face—I was beginning to come to. I changed into Eli's old Dead Hand shirt and a pair of jeans black skinny jeans. I look my belt from my own blue jeans and fastened it around the pair Eli lent me.

I took a quick glance in the mirror. Normally, I would have laughed at how emo I looked in Eli's clothes but I really wasn't in the mood—I didn't know if I'd ever be in the mood to laugh again. Right now, it seemed unlikely.

I wandered slowly out of the bathroom and into Eli's kitchen. Having been here so many times, I knew the way. I could hear Eli and Clare talking quickly in hushed tones before I even reached the threshold. They stopped abruptly the minute Clare caught sight of me in the doorway—this gave me the impression they'd be talking about me.

"You look pale," said Clare, pulling out a chair from the kitchen table. "You should sit down". I took a seat because I didn't feel like contradicting her.

"Here, man," said Eli gently, placing a cup of water in front of me. Then he and Clare took seats opposite me. I already didn't like where this was going. I had the feeling I was about to be interrogated.

I pulled the water towards me and looked at the cup in my hands; The cool glass felt nice against my hot skin of my hands. We were silent for a minute before Clare spoke.

"Adam, what happened?" she said softly—There it was. The interrogation starts. I took a slow sip of the water. Eli and Clare waited patiently for me to finish. It was dead quiet except for my drinking. I couldn't even hear the sound of anyone breathing.

Then Eli realized that I had no intention to answer.

"You told her?" he pushed a little bit.

"She knows," was all I said.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ two weeks later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

CLARE'S POV

Adam's pretty torn up. I wish there was something I could do to help him but every time I try, I'm afraid I'll just make it worse. He's in pretty bad shape. He won't talk to Eli or me about what happened. But all I know is that now, Natalie's been avoiding us like the plague and Adam won't talk about it. He says she knows.

I guess she didn't take it well when he told her. To be honest, I thought she'd be more understanding. Natalie never struck me as someone with prejudices like that. Which is why I'm surprised that she won't even look at us anymore.

"Are you okay?" I asked Adam softly at lunch. It'd be two weeks since we'd discovered Adam where I'd left him two hours earlier; I'm surprised a teacher didn't spot him. That was the same day that Natalie stopped hanging out with us.

"I'm fine," he said, looking down and fingering a loose string in his beanie. I could tell he tried to smile to drive his point home but it came across like a forced grimace, proving that he was anything but.

"You should eat something, Adam, you're going to get sick," I insisted. I'd noticed that he'd been eating very little lately. He also looked very tired, sort of like he used to before we'd met Natalie. He didn't fall asleep in class but…

"You look like the walking dead, man," said Eli, he paused for a laugh. When it didn't come, he continued seriously, "You've got to get some sleep".

"I'm sleeping just fine," he lied unconvincingly. I studied his face. He had dark bags under his eyes and his skin was pale, even the usual light in his green eyes seemed to have faded. Natalie must have really done a number on him.

And this is pretty much the same conversation we'd had over and over again for the past two weeks. I just wish that Adam would just tell us what had happened, so maybe we'd know the right thing to say. But it was no use asking him, like we had every day the first few days, because I was certain he wouldn't talk.

"Hey Clare, mind giving us some guy time?" asked Eli suddenly.

"What?" I asked, snapping out of my worried reverie. "Why?" I didn't want to leave. If they were going to talk about what happened, I very much wanted to be there. I could help!

"You just don't get us guys, Clare-Bear," he said in a semi-joking tone, flashing me one of his charming smirks and, of course, I was a goner.

"Alright," I said, getting my stuff together. "I have yearbook after school so I probably won't see you guys until tomorrow". I stole one more concerned glance toward Adam, "Call me if you need anything," I told him softly, putting my hand on his back. He nodded wordlessly.

"See you tomorrow," said Eli, giving me an appreciative look. He'd made a bit of a joke about why he wanted me to leave but I guess he really wanted to be alone with Adam.

I walked into the school and decided I'd get all my books for homework ready to go so I wouldn't have to stop before yearbook when the bell rang.

Walking towards my locker, I glanced down one of the passing hallways and saw Natalie, fumbling inside her own locker, obviously looking for something.

This is my chance, I thought. I'd ask her what happened; perhaps she'd be more willing to tell me—Woman to woman. Changing my course, I approached her with the intention to calmly make conversation and soothe her into talking to me about Adam.

But when I got to her, she turned to me and said, "Clare!" looking very surprised. All of a sudden, my thoughts flashed to Adam, how miserable he was, how much pain he was in and I got angry. My loyalty towards him got the better of me.

"You know, Natalie, I thought you were different," I said angrily. My eyes narrowed and my tone was quite bitchy.

"I'm…sorry?" said Natalie, looking at me as if I was crazy.

"How could you do that to Adam?" I demanded. "I thought you liked him. He's a great guy and if you can't see that, then….well…then you're a… a horrible person!"

Okay, not the best insult but cut me some slack, I don't do this often.

"I don't mean to be rude Clare," said Natalie slowly. "But what the hell are you talking about?"

Nice one, Natalie. Go ahead, play dumb—

"What am I talking about?" I said, pretending to think about it. "Well, let's see…He's about this tall, has reddish-brown hair, green eyes, a bit of a baby-face…Does that ring a bell?"

Natalie's face fell and she turned back towards her locker.

"That's what I thought," I sneered, perhaps for the first time in my life. "I thought you were better than this". Natalie said nothing so I continued. "I didn't think you'd care, I thought you could see passed all of that—I really thought you saw Adam for who he really is and liked him for it. I was convinced you were good for him, I can see now that I was wrong".

"You don't know anything," Natalie muttered, still not looking at me.

"Oh, I don't, do I? I know that after all the time you've spent getting to know Adam, you threw that all out of the window the minute he told you he was Trans," I said fiercely. "I didn't know you were so ignorant".

"_The minute he told me_?" she repeated incredulously. "Clare, he didn't _tell me_ anything".

"Wha-at?" I blinked, completely confused now. Natalie slammed her locker, and turned in my direction which gave me a chance to get a proper look at her—Her expression was calm but there were soft tears in her eyes.

"I don't care if Adam's a girl, a boy or a…" she paused, searching for the right words. "…A mutant, cartoon monkey from Mars—He'd still be this, awesome, amazing person".

"Then wh-why…?"

"He lied to me," she said honestly.

"Look, I know it took a long time but it's really hard for him to tell people," I said, calm for the first time. "You should've seen what happened to him last time people found…"

"He didn't tell me anything, Clare," said Natalie again. "Fitz, Owen and Bianca did".

"What do you mean?" I asked and I was sure I wouldn't like the answer. Natalie looked hesitant but proceeded to tell me what had happened with the bullies in the hallway.

"That's barbaric," I said, putting my hands over my mouth. "I can't believe…" I trailed off. Because I could believe it, they were horrible, horrible human beings.

"I could care less about all the stuff they said and all the 'proof' they tried to show me," she continued. "I couldn't care less if he's 'really a girl' but when I asked him about why his grandma called him 'Gracie', he made up this story…" She stopped, blinking back more tears. I put a hand on her arm. She took a deep breath. "When I found out it was a lie, I just felt like an idiot…But a lot of things started to make sense. All of it, in fact".

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

ADAM'S POV

I'd never understood why guys got so down about girls. Sure, I liked them just as much as the next guy but I never got majorly depressed if one didn't like me back. I had bigger problems. Like when I was crushing on Bianca, she found out I was an FTM and thought I was a freak. Sure, it hurt (more because I didn't want people to know) but I didn't get too bummed about it. I just moved on. This time, it was different. Since the disaster with Natalie, and Fitz, Owen and Bianca, I haven't been able to do anything but mope. I've lost my appetite to the point where I'm barely eating and the nightmares have come back, so forget about sleeping. The funny thing is, I always thought it was ridiculous when people in movies said they couldn't eat or sleep or smile after a break up but I totally get it now—And Natalie and I weren't even 'officially' together.

I know it must be hard for Eli and Clare to deal with a wet blanket hanging around them all the time. And believe me, I wish I could just get on with it but I can't. I feel numb. And every time I think I'm starting to get over it, I get this image in my head of the look on Natalie's face when the bullies called me 'Gracie'…I wonder why, out of the stuff they did, _that's_ the thing that pushed her over the edge.

If I'm going to be completely honest, I'm not entirely surprised that Natalie hates me now. Somehow, I saw it coming.

"Dude, what happened?" said Eli, the minute Clare left the table and was out of ear shot.

"Nothing," I lied automatically—this was my usual answer.

"Bullshit," said Eli. "You've been saying the same thing for two weeks now, all the while acting like you're 5 years old and your dog just died".

"Well, I'm sorry I'm bring you down," I said, rudely but felt a twinge of regret a minute later. I'd been pretty on edge for the last two weeks.

"Don't be stupid," said Eli. "I don't care about that. I just want to know why you're hurting". I didn't say anything, I didn't even look up. "I know something happened when you told Natalie and it can't be that she just wasn't cool about it…you wouldn't be this torn up if that was the case".

It's true—I hadn't told Eli or Clare about the incident with Fitz, Owen and Bianca. To be honest, it's not that I don't want them to know. It's just that what they did was completely humiliating. I felt so violated. Every time I think about it, I cringe. And telling them, well, I'd have to relive it and that's not something I'm willing to do right now.

"I said nothing happened, Eli," I said dispassionately. There was sudden rustling that made me look at Eli. He was rummaging inside my backpack. "Hey—What're you—?"

He pulled out the comic book I'd brought to school today to read while waiting around for Drew and his tutoring appointment. It was a rare issue #1.

"Be careful with that!" I said, feeling as though this was the first time in a while that I cared about something. Eli ignored my exclaimation, jumping up so he was standing on the bench. "I'm serious!" I said, looking up at him.

"You tell me what happened _now_," he said, dangling the comic book. "Or I'll throw it into the ravine".

"You wouldn't dare," I said, calling his bluff.

"Try me," he said, dangerously giving me an evil grin. He made the gesture but didn't let go of the comic. My heart jumped.

"Alright! Alright! Fine! Just sit down, for Pete's sake…" I said. Then on second thought, "Actually, forget Pete…For _my_ sake". Obliging, Eli jumped back down and took his seat in front of me. I held my hand out expectantly for the comic but he just laughed.

"I'm keeping this as collateral," he said, twirling the comic in his hands. I glared at him. "Go on then…" said Eli.

What can I guy do in a situation like this? My hands were tied. So I told him. I told him everything. Right down to the shirt ripping, the bag spilling, everything.

It was a real testament to our friendship that, when I finished the story, Eli didn't laugh or make a single comment. He just looked really angry. There was a short silence during which I swear I could hear Eli's hair burning.

"They can't get away with this," he said darkly, a dangerous flash in his eyes.

Then the bell rang. I got up and slung my backpack around my shoulder but Eli stayed seating at the table, apparently lost in thought.

"C'mon Dark Avenger," I sighed, grabbing his arm and pulling him. Eli finally stood too, handing me my comic and grabbing his bag.

We made our way into the school and were walking down the hall when a distant, woman's voice shouted "Mr. Torres!" I turned to look but couldn't see where the voice had come from.

"Did you hear that?" I asked Eli, but he was still deep in his own thoughts. No doubt plotting Fitz and Owen's long and tortuous death.

"Mr. Torres!" came the voice again, louder this time. It sounded shrill and stern, like a teacher's. _Who was calling me-?_

Suddenly, Andrew burst through the back doors at a run.

"Mr. Torres! Come back here right now!" shouted Ms. Stewart, the Spanish teacher, walking swiftly behind him.

"Hey little bro!" called Drew as he dashed passed Eli and me, grinning. Despite the fact that he was around the corner in the blink of an eye, I'd caught a pretty good glimpse of his face and was taken aback by what I saw. Drew's lip was split and bleeding, his right eye was swelling up and turning a sickly color, and a little bit of blood was seeping through his light blue shirt on his left shoulder.

…_What the hell?_

"Andrew—What?" I tried to ask but, like I said, he disappeared around the corner in the blink of an eye.

* * *

_A/N: There you go! Chapter fifteen. What didja think? :] Review! (=Preview!)_

_So, we're coming to the end of our story and I just wanted to take this opportunity to say how much I appreciate that you guys read my story and like it. The support and reviews you guys send me is amazing and I thank you guys all so much! Even though it's hasn't been that long, I'm going to be sad to let this fic go. To those who frequently review, I feel like I know you guys and we've got an odd sort of friendship going on-I love writing back to your guys when I send you you're previews and the little convo's we have._

_With that being said, I was thinking about writing another fic when this one is finished and I was wondering if you guys would like that. It is so funny how my target has switched so drastically from the beginning. When I started this story, I was writing for myself...I honestly didn't expect anyone to like it very much. But every day when you guys send me kind reviews and nice PM's, well you guys have become my inspiration for writing...Hahah sorry if that sounds sappy or weird. Anyhow, what kind of fic would you guys like to see me tackle next? I think I'd like to put Adam to rest for a little it (definitely NOT for good) but I was thinking maybe I'd try Clare or Eli or something...What do you think? Include it in your review._

**_Also, I just got an account on a couple of great Degrassi RPGs and wanted to spread the word in case anyone else is interested. Here they are:_**

**_1. w w w dot d degrassi i dot proboards dot com -On this one, I play Fiona & Bianca [The people on this one are very nice and it's a lot fun!]_**

**_2. w w w dot after - the - lockdown dot proboards dot com -On this one, I play...Who else? ADAM! :) [This one is really unique because it takes place...like the title says...'after the lockdown' when everyone is coming back from break]_**

**_Tell 'em Holly sent ya _**

**_(-thanks to Charlotte who told me that the links had been taken down.) feel free to message me if the links are not clear._**

**_These are both awesome sites with a lot of great people on them so I encourage anyone who is interested to join up! They are both relatively new so they are a bunch of canons still available or if originals are your thing, that's awesome too!_**

_Until next time_

_xx,_

_Holly_


	16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Payback's a Jock

**Disclaimer:** Do not own!

_A/N: OH...MY...GOD, YOU GUYS! I am SO sorry-I know I've been A.W.O.L for the past few days and I seriously couldn't be more sorry. I don't even had a valid excuse this time-Life just gets the better of me sometimes and gets in the way. But here's a new chapter, I didn't want to go to bed tonight without posting it-It's been in the back of my mind for days...just nagging away hahah._

_On another note, I can't believe all of you thought I'd let Adam off that easy-You know me better than that. I love this boy but c'mon, what kinda author would I be if I didn't give him a hard time? ;]_

_Enjoy:_

* * *

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: PAYBACK'S A JOCK**

It was eight o'clock in the evening and I was home alone. My parents dropped by at six to tell me they were going to dinner and a movie and would be back at ten. But they aren't the ones I'm worried about—Where is Drew? I knew he had tutoring with Wesley after school but that doesn't take more than an hour. I was starting to get a little worried. I hadn't seen Drew since after lunch in the hallway—You know when he was all bloody and running from a teacher? Yeah, that could make a guy worry a little bit, I'd say.

I was sitting with my feet up on the kitchen table, watching the game and eating a hot pocket when my doorbell rang. I bolted it to the door, thinking it might be Drew.

"Clare?" I blurted out. I checked over her shoulder for Eli but he was nowhere to be found.

"Expecting someone else?" she joked.

"I thought Eli might be with you," I told her.

"Nope, I've come alone," she said. "Are you going to invite me in?"

"Clare," I said in a fancy voice, "Won't you please come in?" I must say, I was in a bunch better mood since I'd quit keeping what happened with Natalie a secret.

"I will," said Clare, playing along. She stepped passed me, and taking another quick glimpse of the street, for Drew this time, I closed the door.

"So Clare," I said, following her into the kitchen. "Not that I don't enjoy unexpected visits but why are you here?"

"Very nutritious," said Clare, picking up my half eaten hot pocket and ignoring my question. "Which food group is this again?"

"The best one," I answered, taking it from her and stuffing the rest in my mouth. Clare grimaced.

"Lovely," she said.

"So what're you doing here?" I pressed, my mouth full.

"I come bearing auspicious news," Clare told me with a smile.

"Out with it then," I said, swallowing.

"Natalie doesn't care about you being an FTM," she announced, her smile widening as she waited for my reaction.

Which I'm sure disappointed because, instead of being happy, like I'm sure she expected, my face fell at the mention of Natalie's name and the numb feeling began to sting my fingertips, threatening to spread again.

"Adam, that's good news," Clare told me as though I was slow.

"Yeah, how?" I demanded, a little bit ruder than I'd intended. But I had to admit, things did start to make more sense. Like why she wasn't fazed by anything, except 'Gracie'…That was still weird, though.

I stopped. "Wait a minute, how do you even know this?" I asked, giving her suspicious eyes.

"Well, I—You know," Clare got nervous. "I kind of…Spoke to Natalie". Her voice got high as she said this.

"You what?" I exclaimed.

"Don't be mad!" she pleaded. "I was only trying to find out what happened!"

"So you thought you'd ask _Natalie_?" I couldn't believe it.

"You wouldn't tell me!" she reasoned. She had a point, I suppose. "And thanks a ton for agreeing to tell Eli when I wasn't there," she said, her voice a little hurt.

"I only told him because she threatened to kill one of my most prized possessions and frankly, I didn't want to hold out long enough to see if he was bluffing," I told her. Clare raised her eyebrows.

"I'll never understand guys," she sighed.

"Probably not," I said. "Just like I'll never understand girls".

"Well," said Clare, giving me a smile that was a little bit too reminiscent of Eli. It scared me a little bit. "I can help you with that".

"How?"

"By telling you that winning her back in not impossible. She really liked you, Adam. Still does, in fact," she informed me. I felt my heart swell a little bit at her words.

"Oh, yeah? News flash, Clare. I'm pathetic! I don't know what I'm supposed to do," I told her. Clare thought about it for a second then looked up at me with her earnest blue eyes.

"Maybe you should stop focusing so much on what you're _supposed_ to do, and try thinking about what you _want_ to do," she told me. "I think you'll find they might just be the same thing".

I opened my mouth to ask her what the heck that was supposed to mean but she interrupted me before I could.

"I should go," she said. "My parents don't like me out this late". I nodded and walked her to the door in silence.

"Thanks," I said, opening the door for her. "for everything". Clare smiled and put her hand on my check.

"Make her realize she wasn't wrong about you," she told me. Then turned and left.

Lost in my thoughts, I closed the door and went to sit on the couch. How was I supposed to show Natalie that she wasn't wrong about me? Not _supposed_, I thought—Remembering Clare's words. How do I _want _to show Natalie that she wasn't wrong about me? I groaned in exasperation. I had no idea what that even meant.

The sound of keys turning in the lock and the front door squeaking open pulled me out of my thoughts. _Drew._

I ran to the entrance hall to find him coming through the front door.

"Where the hell have you been?" I exclaimed, sounding frighteningly like our mother.

"Nice to see you too, bro," he said, smiling. He looked just as bad, if not worse, than I'd seen him in the hallway. He was limping and clutching his side.

"What happened to you?" I demanded, closing the door behind him and helping him to the couch. "You look awful".

"You should see the other guy," he joked.

"You got in a fight? Why? With who?"

"Don't you worry about it," Drew told me. I was about to retaliate but my cell phone rang—it was Eli.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Dude, tell your brother he is the man!" Eli yelled excitedly on the other end. I looked at Drew suspiciously.

"I was about to tell him _something_ but that was not it…Why? What did he do?" I asked Eli, not taking my eyes off my brother.

"Dude, you don't know?" said Eli.

"_Obviously_, if I'm asking you," I said, a little irritably. I wish someone would tell me what had happened already.

"Let's just say, you should be calling him 'Dark Avenger', not me," Eli told me. "Or maybe 'Jock Avenger'…" Eli laughed.

"I'm still waiting for you to tell me why," I said.

"He took on Fitz and Owen, man!" cried Eli. I don't think I'd heard him that excited since the Dead Hand concert.

"What?" I demanded into the phone. Before Eli could say anything else, I turned to Drew. "You're an idiot," I told him. "Why?" Eli got quiet on the line.

"I heard what they did to you," said Drew slowly. "With Natalie right there…" He trailed off.

"So you decided to let them kick your ass…again?" I said, remembering last time my brother tried to stick up for me.

"Dude…Word at school is that _he_ kicked _their_ asses," said Eli on the phone.

"I had a little help," said Drew simultaneously.

"And that's not even the best part," continued Eli. "You should hear what he did to Bianca…"

"Thanks, Eli but I think I'll let Drew tell me about this one," I said. "See you tomorrow?"

"Cool. Yeah, definitely," said Eli. And right before he hung up, I swear I could hear him doing a celebratory happy dance and singing something along the lines of "Fitzy got owned! Fitzy got owned!"

I laughed a little bit before rounding on my brother.

"Enlighten me," I said, going to the freezer and grabbing an icepack. "What did you do to Bianca?" I handed him the icepack and he put it on his swollen eye before speaking.

"Well, I recruited Wesley to help me make a little bomb during our tutoring session…"

"You bombed Bianca?" I exclaimed. "You realize that's terrorism, right?"

"No! Let me finish." he said. "We put it in her locker…When it de—deto—When it _exploded_, it made a huge mess. Stuff everywhere. When a couple of the faculty tried to help her clean it up. Well, they found some _questionable_ stuff in there…"

"What did they find…?"

"Let's just say it wasn't oregano…" responded Drew smirking.

I couldn't help it, when Drew finished his story—I burst into laughter. The images of Bianca's busted up locker and Fitz and Owen's busted up faces, well—It was all too much. Have I ever said how much I love my brother? Man, it felt good to really laugh again.

"Okay," I said, finally. "You _are _the man".

"No one messes with my brother," said Drew simply. "…Now I just need to find a way to tell mom that I've been suspended for two days," he added. My face fell.

"Suspended?" I said incredulously. "If you've been suspended, I don't think you need to figure out how to tell mom because she's going to kill you regardless".

"As far as she'll know, all I did was get into a fight," said Drew. "No one found out that it was Wes and me who planted the bomb…As long as Wes doesn't squeal, I'll be fine". I gave him an uncertain look. "Don't worry about it," he insisted. "Since it was only my first strike I got two days…I got off easy. When I was waiting in the office, I heard Owen's mom telling him he's going to military school".

"Wow. What about Fitz and Bianca?"

"Well, Fitz and Bianca have both been suspended twice already so they have disciplinary hearings with the school board on Monday," he explained. "And I'm glad I'm not them because when mom finds out what she did to you and, now, me—She's going to be pissed". Drew smiled widely. That reminded me.

"Speaking of mom finding out, how did _you_ find out…about what happened…with Natalie?" I asked suspiciously.

"I was walking by and heard Natalie telling Clare," Drew said, shrugging. _Drew had heard them?_

"What else did she say?" I asked, trying not to sound too eager. Thinking maybe this could give me a clue as to how to get her back.

"I don't know, do I?" said Drew. "I was so angry when I heard that I rushed off to find Fitz and Owen".

"I still can't believe you did that," I said, looking at his busted face. I got up and got him a wet rag to wipe the blood off his chin.

"I let it go last time because you asked me to," he said seriously. "I wasn't going to do it again…"

"You're really a meathead, you know that, don't you?" I said fondly. "But thanks". I smiled at my brother, as he wiped his face with the rag.

"Anytime," said Drew grinning.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Dude!" Eli called from behind me. I stopped, allowing him to catch up. It was just before second period and we had a ten minute break. "I saw Fitz at the Dot this morning," he said excitedly, wearing the widest grin ever. "He's wearing a cast! A cast! Your brother broke his arm!" He couldn't even believe it.

"That's awesome," I said distractedly.

"Dude, what's with the face?" asked Eli. I blinked hard, then turned to look at him. I was going to tell him that I was preoccupied with thoughts of trying to get Natalie back but someone interrupted me, stopping us in the hall.

"Hey Little Torres," he said, giving me 'the nod'. I'd seen him around before, he was on my brother's football team—Riley something or another. All I know is that he recently came out as gay. "You okay?"

"Er hi," I said, trying to be friendly but unsure why he was talking to me. "Yeah, I'm fine—Thanks".

"Tell Drew yesterday was awesome," said Riley, as I tried not to look to confused.

He didn't say much more and after giving me a quick smile, he made his way past me. I was entirely clueless as to what that was about until I caught a glimpse of his knuckles, which were bruised and purple.

I remembered what Drew had said when he got home yesterday: _"I had a little help"._

So that's how he'd managed to take on both Fitz and Owen—Riley had probably helped him out. Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that Owen had some sort of beef with Riley being gay—That bully wrote 'RILEY IS A FAG' on the team bus and 'HOMO' on Riley's locker. I don't know why anyone would mess with Riley—Gay or not—That guy was tough. Somehow I didn't have a hard time imagining who took on who.

Smiling to myself at the mental image, I walked to History with Eli—A renewed spring in my step and a newfound determination to get Natalie back.

* * *

_A/N: Like I said before guys, so sorry! I literally have had no time to myself. And the next couple of days is going to be busy too so I don't know when I'll be able to post but I'll try to do it as soon as possible-Hang in there! I'm also sorry that I haven't had time to send anybody a review this time-So many people have reviewed and I didn't have time to send 1 person a message let alone 15-20. If I'm going to be honest, I don't think I'll be able to send you previews this time either but I'd really appreciate a review anyway :]_

_Anyhow, thanks so much for reading this story-Final chapter is the only one left. It's been real, you guys :] Along with your review, why don't you tell me what you're favorite part of the story was?_

_I'm currently mulling over a couple of ideas for my next story-Tell you more about it when I post the final chapter. Thanks so much for your support,_

_xx,_

_Holly_

_P.S. In case you guys didn't get a chance, I still recommend that you check out the Degrassi RPG sites-I'm seriously addicted and we'll get to chat :]_

_here are the links again:_

_1. w w w [dot] z7 [dot] invisionfree [dot] com / afterthelockdown (I'm Adam & an Admin) _

_2. w w w [dot] ddegrassii [dot] proboards [dot] com (I'm Bianca & Fiona)_

_3. w w w [dot] z7 [dot] invisionfree [dot] com / be_the_best (I'm an OC)_

_All of these rights are awesome and need members; Plenty of awesome canons are open! P.S. if you do decide to join, please be active-there's nothing worse then getting excited about new members/characters and having them disappear_


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